Faith, Hope, Love: Dealing With the Past, Part 5
by kathrynlauryn
Summary: "Do you need anything," Roy asked. Johnny looked at him. "Can you bring Julianna back?" Will Johnny find his wife? Will they discover that a lot of faith, hope and love will get them to a happy ending?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Julianna. Mark VII and NBC Universal own everything else.

_**When we last left the Gage's, Johnny found a note from Julianna telling him she was sorry, but she had to leave. She threw her bags into her car and headed down the highway. When we left Johnny, he was watching out the window, wondering what he'd done. Julianna was on her way to San Francisco. We pick up at those moments.**_

Joanne and Roy convinced Johnny to sleep at their house, knowing he'd never rest if he went home to an empty house. Johnny had protested, saying he needed to be there when Julianna came home, but that argument had fallen flat because he knew she wasn't going to come home that quickly.

As Johnny lie on the couch, he thought about how much it reminded him of high school. The girl he loved had left him. The only difference, was this time, they were married.

Behind their closed door, Roy asked Joanne what she thought happened.  
"She panicked," Joanne said.  
Roy looked at his wife. "Panicked?"

"Something happened and Julianna couldn't handle it. And she won't be easy for Johnny to find," Joanne said.  
"I just can't believe she'd do this to him, again," Roy said.  
"I know and my heart breaks for Johnny, but also for Juli. Something happened and she can't tell Johnny. We have to be there for him. He's going to need everyone," Joanne said.

Roy nodded and wrapped his arms around his wife. He stared at the wall and wondered what could have happened between them to cause Julianna to flee LA and the man she loved desperately.

Julianna turned off the highway at the right exit and drove another five miles to her former apartment building. Wincing at the late or, more precisely, early hour, she grabbed a suitcase and rang the bell for Bob and Beth's apartment.

Without a word, the door to the building clicked and Julianna entered the building and went to the third floor. Her apartment had also been on the third floor, just across the hall from where Beth and Bob were living now.

Before she could knock, the door opened and her friend's large frame filled the doorway.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do," she said, tears falling again.  
Bob ushered his friend inside and wrapped her in a hug. "It's OK, Juli-bird. Now, will you tell me what happened? I never thought you'd walk out on Johnny. What did he do," Bob asked.  
"He didn't do anything. At least not directly," Julianna said.  
Bob guided her to the couch and Julianna looked at him and took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant," she said.  
Bob's look of alarm and concern morphed into one of happiness. "That's great. But why are you here instead of with Johnny. I'm sure he's excited," Bob asked.  
"Don't you understand, I'm pregnant. For the third time," Julianna said.  
Bob stared at her, not getting the point.

"I miscarried Johnny's baby twice now. I didn't tell him I was pregnant. No one knows except my doctor and now you," Julianna said.  
"Why didn't you tell him," Bob asked.  
"Because I tell him and something happens, he'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive myself if I deliver that happy news only to tell him that he won't be a daddy. I'll lose him for sure and I can't handle that," Julianna said, before breaking down into sobs.

"Hey, what makes you think that? Johnny loves you. You should be sharing these fears with him. You should be sharing this news with him," Bob said.  
"I couldn't handle telling him about the baby if there isn't going to be a baby," she said.  
Bob knew Julianna believed she was doing the right thing to save her and Johnny the pain, but Bob wanted to call Johnny and tell him his wife was in his apartment and he needed to get her. But seeing the genuine fear in her eyes, he couldn't do it.  
"OK. We'll talk about this tomorrow. Beth has the guest room ready for you, so why don't you go and get some sleep. I'll talk to you in the morning," Bob said. "Well, later this morning."

Julianna shared a hug with her friend and headed to the guest room. She changed into a nightgown and fell asleep, exhaustion from the emotion leaving her drained.

A few hours later, the sun peeked through the curtains in the DeSoto living room and fell across Johnny. He wasn't asleep. He was sitting on the couch with a glass of milk, trying to understand the situation that had suddenly befell him.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand, still unable to fathom what had happened. He pulled the note out of his back pocket and placed it on the coffee table. He knew everything the note said and nothing indicated what happened between them or where she might have gone.

Roy came down to the living room and spied his friend on the couch. Roy knew Johnny was lost. He'd never seen his friend in such a state and didn't know how to comfort him.  
"Morning, Johnny," Roy said.  
Johnny looked at Roy. "Morning," he replied with no emotion.

"Do you want some breakfast," Roy asked, trying to help.  
"Not hungry," Johnny replied.

Roy leaned against the doorway between the living room and kitchen. He was about to speak when the doorbell rang. Roy knew Mike would be on the other side of the door. Roy had called Mike after he and Joanne had left Johnny alone. Mike said he'd be at the house first thing.

Roy went to the door and let his friend into the house. "What's going on," Mike asked Roy. Roy ushered Mike into the living room where Johnny was still sitting on the sofa, staring at a random spot on the wall. Mike sat down next to him.  
"What happened," he asked his brother-in-law.

Without saying a word, Johnny handed Mike the note Julianna had left on the fridge.

Mike took the note and read it, his face a mixture of shock, anger and sadness.

"You don't have any idea why she left," he asked.  
Johnny shook his head. He got off the couch and went to the back door and looked out at the yard. "I don't know what happened, Mike. We didn't have a fight. She wasn't mad at anything that she told me about. I thought everything was fine. We were talking about our future; maybe having a baby. I guess I missed something," Johnny said, not looking at either man in the room.

Mike got up and paced Roy's living room. Joanne had come downstairs and was in the kitchen making coffee. She stood just inside the kitchen, listening to the men in the living room.

She didn't understand what had happened, but she knew Julianna had panicked about something. The problem was, Julianna hadn't told Joanne what was bothering her before she left. Joanne had a feeling the Bob and Beth knew what was going on, but, if they were like Joanne's close friends, wouldn't reveal anything if Julianna asked them to keep quiet. Joanne hoped Julianna would realize that she needed to trust her husband and her friends and come home.

"Did you call everyone," Mike asked.  
Johnny turned around and faced him. "I called everyone I could think of and no one knows anything."

Mike shook his head. He didn't want to think his sister had taken off and not told him anything, but if she was having a problem, she might not want him around.

"What are you going to do," Mike asked.  
Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "She's an adult, so the police won't help because she left on her own accord. I guess I'll just have to search every place I can think of until I find her. I won't give up until Julianna is back at home and SHE tells me she wants out. She has to tell me she doesn't love me any more because I won't believe it until I hear her say it," Johnny said.  
Neither man said anything. Johnny turned to Mike. "I'm going to head home and shower and think. If you hear from her PLEASE tell me. I just have to know, even if she doesn't want to talk to me. I just have to know she's OK," Johnny said.  
Mike nodded. "Of course. If I hear from her, you'll be the first person to know," Mike said.

"Thanks for opening the door at 2 in the morning. If you hear from her, will you call me," Johnny asked his best friend.  
"You bet. Do you need anything," Roy asked.  
Johnny shook his head. "Can you bring Julianna back? I'll let you know," Johnny said before ducking out of the room and out the door.

Roy and Mike watched Johnny walk out the door. When the door shut behind him, Roy looked at Mike.  
"Do you know what happened," Roy asked Mike.  
Mike shook his head. "No. I don't know what my sister is thinking. I talked to Juli two days ago and, while she seemed a little tired and maybe a little down, she said it was all the work she was doing at the hospital. I had no idea she was thinking of leaving Johnny. If I had, I'd have talked her out of it. Believe me," Mike said.  
Roy poured Mike a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. He thought about the last time he'd seen Julianna. He'd headed to the hospital to deliver his training schedule to Julianna. He knew Johnny had delivered his schedule to her already and wanted to get the new students scheduled as soon as possible. Julianna had been in her office and had seemed happy to see him, but he noticed how tired she had been.

"_Hey, Juli. Here's my schedule," Roy had said.  
"Thanks. I should get the students plugged in to the appropriate spots. I'm so glad you and Johnny agreed to be the field supervisors for these guys. Mike's letting several work out of his shift, especially since Gil moved to A-shift. I'll know my students are getting what they need from the right people," she had said, taking the schedule and placing it in a folder among the many on her desk.  
Roy looked at her and asked, "Are you OK?"_

"_I'm fine. I'm just tired. I'll be glad when Kel comes back because I'm exhausted. His first shift is tomorrow and I plan to ask for some time off. I feel like I haven't seen Johnny or Mike while I've been working so much," she said.  
"Is that everything? You and Johnny are OK," Roy asked. He didn't talk to Johnny everyday like before, but they still talked and, while Johnny had said everything was fine, Roy wanted to make sure.  
"Johnny and I are great, Roy. Really. No complaints. Except that we haven't seen much of each other lately. But that will change and I intend to spend as much time with him as I can," Julianna said.  
"You sure everything is OK," Roy questioned.  
"Yes, Roy. Johnny takes great care of me and I can only hope I do the same for him. Everything is fine," Julianna said.  
Roy was convinced she and Johnny were on solid ground, but something nagged him. He felt like something was off with Julianna and he made a note to check up on her and Johnny more often._

"_OK. Think you and Johnny can come by for dinner sometime soon? Joanne was talking about how she hadn't seen much of you these days," Roy said.  
"Tell her to call me Friday. I should know what Johnny's schedule will be like. His overtime is ending tonight," Julianna said.  
Roy was about to say something else, when Julianna's phone rang. "I'll tell her. Take care of yourself. Tell Johnny I'll talk to him later," Roy said.  
"I will," Julianna said, before waving and picking up her phone. _

_Roy headed out of the hospital and drove home. He was slightly worried about his friend, but she had assured him she was fine. He hoped, if there was a problem, Johnny would tell him. He made a mental note to talk to Johnny about it when he called._

Roy wondered what had happened after he left the office and wondered if Julianna had been given news that she couldn't handle or if Johnny had done something, unintentional, that caused her to flee LA.

"Do you have an idea where she might have gone," Roy asked Mike.  
"Well, she isn't at mom and dad's because they are on their around the world trip. I don't think she'd head to their apartment, even though she has a key," Mike said.  
"Johnny called Dixie, so she's not with Kel and Dixie. I can't understand any of this, Mike," Roy said.  
"I can't either. Maybe she went to San Francisco. Bob and Beth are there and, despite Bob's marriage, I know he cares a great deal for Juju and would do anything for her if she asked," Mike said.  
"You gonna call him and find out," Roy asked.  
"Maybe Bob knows something," Mike said.  
"Do you have his number," Roy asked.  
"Barb has it. She and Beth were really good friends too before Beth moved with Bob. I'll go home and call him. Will you call everyone else you can think of, see if they've seen my sister," Mike asked.  
"Will do. Call me with any news," Roy said.

Mike headed out the door and Roy went to the phone. He called everyone he could think of, but no one knew where Julianna had gone or what had happened. Roy hoped Mike found out something soon.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to Mark VII and NBC Universal. I own Julianna.

Johnny entered his empty house. He tossed his keys on the counter and headed upstairs to the bathroom. He tossed his clothes on the floor and stepped into the hot shower. He must have gotten lost in thought because his next memory was the water turning ice cold on his back.

He got out of the shower and dried himself off, running on autopilot.

He changed his clothes and stared at his bed. He was tired and needed to sleep, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to sleep in the bed alone. He'd done it when Julianna had been working, but there was something different about doing it when she wasn't coming home. He exited the room and headed to the guest room across the hall. He crawled under the sheet and feel into an exhausted and dreamless sleep.

Julianna awoke the next morning, feeling horrible. She figured it was part being pregnant, part not sleeping and part of just being upset about the whole situation.

She pulled her robe out off the dresser and went into the kitchen of Bob and Beth's apartment.

She found Beth coming out of her bedroom.

"I hope I haven't caused a problem," Julianna said.  
Beth gave her friend a soft smile. "I understand. Bob didn't tell me everything, but you're his friend and mine. Now, how about some tea and you tell me what is going on so we can figure this out. Why don't you change and I'll meet you in the kitchen," Beth said.  
Julianna hugged her friend and went to change. She put on a pair of jeans and a t shirt. When she looked in the mirror, she realized it was one of Johnny's. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and she wiped them away. She went back into the kitchen and found Beth placing a cup of tea in front of her.

Beth sat down.  
"OK. Now, tell me what's wrong. Bob just said you needed to do some thinking. I know you're not thinking you made a mistake by marrying Johnny. I know how much you love him and he loves you," Beth said.

Julianna took a deep breath. "I'm not thinking I made a mistake marrying him. I love him with all my heart. I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant," she said.  
"Johnny didn't take it well," she asked, her eyebrows raised.

"I didn't tell him," Julianna answered.  
Beth's face registered shock. "You didn't tell him? Then why are you here," she asked.

"I'm pregnant! I can't tell Johnny because something might happen and then he'd be devastated. I know he'd leave me. I can't tell him until I know everything will be OK. I can't go through that again," Julianna said.  
Beth considered her words carefully. "You don't have to stay pregnant," Beth said.  
Julianna shook her head. "Even if I miscarry, I can't willingly kill my child. I just can't do it. Besides, I was supposed to be taking the pill, but I guess I slipped up somewhere," Julianna said.

"You should at least speak with your brother. You are both very close and I know he's worried sick about you. Especially if Johnny got that note and has already spoken with him," Beth said.  
Julianna nodded. "I know. I'm going to go call Mike. This isn't going to be an easy conversation to have with my brother," Julianna said, picking up the phone.

Mike arrived home and went to the kitchen. He pulled out Barb's address book. He was about to dial the number when the phone rang.  
"Hello," Mike said.  
"Mikey," Julianna's quiet voice said over the phone.  
"Juju! What the hell is going on? Why am I getting called by your husband at 2 in the morning because you're gone," Mike asked.  
"I'm fine, Mike. Something happened and I need some time to think, OK," Julianna said.  
"Not enough, sis. I'll get in my car and drive to Bob's apartment and drag it out of you. Please, tell me what happened," Mike said.  
He heard his sister take a deep breath and sniffle. Mike knew what she was about to tell him was very difficult for her.

"I'm pregnant, Mike," she said.  
She was met with silence. "You have to tell him. He thinks you don't love him anymore. That it's all his fault that you left," Mike said.  
"I know, but I'm not ready to tell him. I'm scared I'll tell him, something will happen and he'll never forgive me," Julianna said.  
"Juju, that's crazy. Johnny loves you. If, God forbid, something happens to this baby, Johnny's not going to blame you. He's not going to leave you. He loves you. You love him and finding out about the baby is going to make it multiply even more. Tell him, Juli," Mike begged his sister.

"I'll think about it. Don't tell anyone you know where I am, please," Julianna asked.  
"Sure. When are you coming back to LA," he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

They talked a few more minutes before Mike hung up the phone. He was relieved that Julianna was OK, but he wished she was coming home to be with her family and husband.

He hung up the phone and turned to his wife who had walked into the kitchen.

"Did you find out anything," Barb asked, kissing her husband.  
He thought about the conversation and wondered if he should tell his wife.

"Yeah. But you can't let anyone know what you know," Mike said.  
Barb knew her husband was serious and sat down on the bed. "OK. What's going on," she asked.  
"Juli showed up in San Francisco this morning. She went to Bob's apartment and is crashing in his guest room, but I can't tell Johnny what I know and you can't either," Mike said.  
Barb's eyes were as big as saucers. "She left Johnny and ran off to San Francisco," Barb asked.  
"No, she panicked. She found out yesterday that she was pregnant," Mike said.  
The realization hit Barb and she shook her head. "Poor Juli. Well, it makes sense," Barb said.  
"What does? Julianna left her husband. The man she's loved for years. He's devastated. I don't get why she did it," Mike said.  
"She's afraid of putting Johnny through what they went through the last time she was pregnant. I can understand how she might feel. I don't know if I'd have the courage to get pregnant again if those miscarriages happened to me," Barb said.  
"That's pretty much what she told me. Juli doesn't want anyone to know where she is, especially Johnny. I just don't think that's fair to him," Mike said.  
"Juli's your sister and you'll support her decision. But, maybe you can talk to her and convince her to come back and deal with this together," Barb said.  
Mike kissed his wife, "You know you're pretty smart."

"Glad you realized it," she said.

Barb went into the kitchen to clean up the dishes from their rushed breakfast. She hoped Julianna talked to Mike soon because she knew how much Mike loved his sister and Barb hoped that she wouldn't turn her back on her brother, despite how she might feel about her husband.

The days rolled into weeks and the weeks into months. Six months after Julianna Gage left her husband without an explanation but for the note she left on the fridge,

Johnny rolled through the motions. He worked as much as the County would allow him. He did as much work around his ranch as he could without killing himself. Course, there were times when the pain was so unbearable that he wished he had. He had barely seen much of Roy in the last six months. Seeing his best friend and wife so happy together, made him miss his wife that much more.

He found himself sitting at his desk, trying to make sense of the assignments that were in front of him. He was just about to give up when the tones sounded.

"**Station 31, Station 99, Station 110. Structure fire. 23513 Hamilton Way. 2-3-5-1-3 Hamilton. Cross street Barrier. Report to Battalion 3. Time out 1123."**

"Station 31, KSB-452," Johnny said.

He knew Roy would be on this scene too and wondered what they would find.

Johnny reported to Battalion Chief Stanley, who directed Johnny's crew to help with the north wall.  
Hank got on the HT and contacted headquarters.

"LA this Battalion 3. We need another alarm at this location and another squad," Stanley said.

"**10-4, Battalion 3."**

Johnny didn't hear the rest of the transmission because he was strapping on his gear. Stanley rushed to him.

"I just got a report there are two men trapped on the third floor. I've got the Squads tied up. They've got two critical and several burns, including a code I. Think you and Roy can go in a check things out," Stanley asked.  
"No problem," Johnny said.

He rushed to his former partner and without much explanation, headed into the burning building.

They made their way to the third floor and looked over every inch of it, but were unable to locate any men.  
"Captain Gage to Battalion 3. We're unable to locate anyone at this location. Can you verify," Johnny said.  
"10-4. Get out of their guys. Everyone accounted for and this building is starting to go. Get out," Stanley called.

Johnny and Roy rushed back the way they came and found the way barred by a beam from the upper floor. They headed back, but were again trapped by smoldering debris. They backed themselves into the center of the building.

"Battalion 3, we can't get out. Searching for a window or other means of exit," Johnny said into the HT.

Before they could hear the reply from Stanley, Johnny tripped over a discarded chair, sending the HT flying across the floor.

"Are you OK," Roy asked his friend.

"Yeah, but we've got to get out of here. I don't think Hank heard me call our location," Johnny said.

Johnny and Roy quickly assessed their options.

They figured their only means of escape would be the window that was just out of the reach of Johnny, the taller of the two.

"I'm going to boost you up. Maybe you can get out," Johnny said.

"How are you going to get out," Roy asked.  
"I'll get out. If something happens to you, Joanne will never forgive me," Johnny said.  
Roy wanted to argue with his friend, but Johnny said, "Enough! Just climb on my shoulders."  
Roy knew Johnny would throw him out the window if he could, so Roy climbed up and Johnny hoisted him to the window.

Roy knocked out the glass that wasn't already out of the window, sending shards down on the ground. Chet, who was doing some overtime with 51, saw what happened.

"Roy! Hold on! I'll get the ladder crew here," Chet said, racing to the ladder crew of Roy's station.

"Guys, Captains DeSoto and Gage are trapped. DeSoto's hanging out of the window over here," Chet said.

Roy was leaning out the window, when he felt the support on the lower part of his body leave him.

"JOHNNY," he yelled, but didn't get a response.

Roy saw the ladder making its way to the window and he wanted it to hurry up.

Chet helped Roy out of the window. "Johnny's collapsed. I don't know what happened," Roy said.  
Chet leaned into the window and saw his friend on the floor. The smoke was thick and Chet knew he had to get Johnny out quickly.

Chet leaned out the window. "I'll lift him up, can you pull him," Chet asked.  
The other fireman, Thomas Page, took Johnny from Chet as he passed him through the window. Johnny was carried down the ladder on Page's shoulder.

When Johnny arrived at the bottom of the ladder, Page placed him on the ground and the paramedics immediately began assessing him.  
Roy stood off to the side, holding the oxygen mask over his face. He was going crazy not being able to participate in the care of his friend.

Jack Harold, a paramedic Roy had at his station during his training, was assessing Johnny.

Jack did his assessment and turned to Roy. "It looks like he has a bit of smoke inhalation. But it also looks like he has a fracture of his leg. Davis will splint him up and we'll take you both to the hospital," Jack said.  
"I don't need to..." Roy started to say before Chet interrupted.

"You are going. Joanne will kill Johnny and anyone else she can get her hands on, if you don't," Chet said.

Roy slumped his shoulders, knowing he'd never win. He held onto the oxygen mask and sat in the back of the ambulance and watched as they loaded Johnny into the back.

As the ambulance made its journey to the hospital, Johnny awoke and tugged at his Oxygen mask.  
"Leave that there, Johnny," Jack said.

"I'm fine, Pally. We're taking you to Rampart," Roy said.

Johnny settled back down and closed his eyes again, unable to believe that he'd be injured again.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: Mark VII and NBC Universal own everything. I own Julianna.

They arrived at Rampart and the orderlies took Johnny's gurney off the ambulance and Roy walked in after them.

"My, my, I thought these days were behind you, Johnny," Dixie said as she walked beside his gurney.  
Johnny could only groan behind his Oxygen mask and wait for the diagnosis from the doctor.

Roy got examined by Dr. Early and was waiting for his room. He insisted on waiting with Johnny until he got admitted. He headed into Johnny's room to find out about his friend.  
"Come on guys. I'm fine," Johnny was telling the Brackett's when Roy came inside.

"Junior, just relax. Jack said you had a fractured leg. Calm down and let them do their thing," Roy said.

Johnny grumbled again, causing Dixie to giggle at Johnny's frustration.

A few hours later, Roy and Johnny were in a room together. Joanne had come by to bring both men some changes of clothes.

Johnny commented on his head hurting. A nurse had brought the necessary pain medication to ease Johnny's aching head and he had fallen back to sleep.

Joanne sat next to her husband's bed. Her worry at his injury having passed as she sat next to him.  
"I was worried about you. I got that call and I..." Joanne started to say before she broke down.

"Jo, honey, I'm fine. Johnny made sure I got out," he said, holding his wife's hand.

"I know. He promised he'd look out for you. I just hate that Juli isn't here," Joanne said.  
"I know," Roy said, unable to say anything else.

He looked at his best friend, sleeping in the bed on the other side of the room. He wondered if Julianna would ever return and how this on-the-job injury would affect his friend.

Johnny was griping. He hated being in the hospital and was grateful that he'd been able to go home with Roy and Joanne promising to keep an eye on him. He had a broken leg, but it wasn't the one that had been injured in the accident months before.

Two weeks later, he was allowed to return to his house. A house that looked like it had been cleaned by his well meaning friends.

The addition of a walking cast allowed Johnny to be mobile, but not too mobile. He worked on paperwork that his crew brought over for him so the substitute captain wouldn't have to worry with it.

Four weeks after the accident, Johnny was cleared to return to work. His break hadn't been serious, but everyone knew if they had told Johnny that, he would have pushed himself too much and then caused more damage.

He pulled into the lot of his station and saw the engine returning to quarters.

"Long night," he asked the outgoing captain, Hayes.  
"Big accident on the freeway. Squad was busy. They transported several to the hospital. They're restocking and they'll report back. We're standing down until 8. Give everyone a chance to clean up the engine," Hayes said.  
Johnny nodded and went into the office. He looked at the stack of mail that had accumulated for him during his time away and was glad the station was standing down until 8. He sat his bag beside the desk and headed into the day room for some coffee. He knew he'd have to do roll call in fifteen minutes, but he needed the coffee before dealing with those characters.

He loved his new station and the crew he was responsible for, but it lacked the comfort he had enjoyed with the former group from 51.

He poured his coffee and went to grab his hat from the office. He sat at the desk and flipped through the mail. Nothing looked interesting, except the re-cert exams for his paramedics and the qualifying drills for his station. He took the letters and a marker and went back into the day room. He marked the dates on the large calendar on the wall. (His idea because he usually had trouble finding important papers on his desk and could never locate the small planner that he had to mark down the important dates for the Station.) His crew liked having the dates visible for everyone to see, especially when they needed to find coverage for shifts. Having each shift use a different color for their shift and writing vacations, meetings and training dates on the calendar, made life easier on the entire station. Johnny went back to the office and heard his men lining up for roll call.

He picked up his clipboard and went out to face his crew.

"Welcome back, Cap," the all called. "Thanks, guys. Good to be back. Let's get this over with," Johnny said.  
He attended to roll call and made the announcements. The crew then went about their daily assignments. Johnny retired to his office, waiting for the tones to sound. He got his wish a half and hour later and, as he took his seat on the engine, realized how much he missed riding while he'd been off duty.

The shift ended up being incredibly busy. They were on their way back to quarters when they were called out for an automobile accident. The accident was minor, but required a lot of cleaning up. They had returned to the station and had been checking the engine when they were toned out for structure fire.

A few days later, he had heard through Roy that Mike had taken a job at a small fire department. He would be the second in command. Johnny was happy for his brother-in-law, but was also upset that he wouldn't give him any additional information about his wife. The grief over the loss of his marriage was palpable to anyone around him.  
All of his former Station mates had tried to draw him out and take him bowling or to baseball games. Johnny always declined and, after a few months, the only one still trying was Roy.

Johnny looked out onto his backyard. The garden that Julianna had lovingly planted the previous Spring, was weedy and overgrown. Johnny couldn't bring himself to tend the patch of earth and seeing it in the mess it was in, reminded him of himself at the present. The pool had been neglected. The water had mostly been drained out of it, but what little remained was green and silty. The sandbox in the playground was full of grass and rocks and who knew how many 'presents' from various wild animals that roamed the hills in California. Johnny didn't have the desire to fix any of it. The grounds of the house were a visual of what he was feeling inside; a mess.

When he was home, he ate his dinner at the kitchen table and spent mindless hours in front of the television, watching nothing in general. It was just a distraction. Anything he could do to keep from thinking about his wife and how he was going to find her. He rarely went into the other rooms in the house. He had thought of hiring a cleaning lady to come into the house, but he hadn't called anyone and, since he didn't go anywhere else in the house, it seemed pointless.

He grabbed his duffel and locked the door behind him and headed for his car. He had a 48 at his station. He craved the time away from his house because, at the station, he wasn't alone with his mess, both physically and metaphorically.

Mike knocked on the door of the house his sister owned in San Francisco. She found an elderly couple looking to get out of their house and into something smaller and easier for them to maintain. Julianna had offered to move in and take care of the place and purchase it if they wanted to sell it. Julianna had moved in when she was four months pregnant. Mike had moved to San Raphael, a twenty minute drive away, and found himself at her house checking things out and fixing what she needed done.

Beth and Helen had been working on a nursery for Julianna, but Julianna had yet to go into the nursery. Julianna was still convinced something was going to happen to the baby and didn't want to jump the gun and start celebrating.

Julianna opened the door and Mike was shocked at how big his sister had gotten in the week he'd been working.  
"Wow! Almost done," Mike said.  
"Funny. I'm miserable right now. This kid is right on my bladder all the time. I might as well move everything into the bathroom because I am always there," Julianna said.  
Julianna was nearly nine months pregnant but she wasn't going to breathe a sigh of relief until she held the baby in her arms. Then she'd figure out the rest of what to do.

"I brought over the shelving to finish the nursery closet. I'll just go and put them in and get out of your way. I know you have to get to work," Mike said.  
"Yeah. Last shift until I have this baby," Julianna said, grabbing her lab coat off the coat rack. "Lock up when you leave," she said.

She headed out the door to the waiting cab and it drove her to the hospital. She had been taking cabs for the last month because she knew she couldn't walk quickly enough to get to the bus stop or train stop and she couldn't be sure she'd find a seat and it wasn't fun to stand for that 14 minute ride when you're constantly stopping. Cabs felt better for Julianna and she gladly gave the driver a handsome tip for driving her all over the city.

She entered the Emergency Room and found her friends, Gail and Laurie talking to Dr. Hugh DeRoy.

"Juli, you look like you've gotten bigger," Laurie said.  
"Mike said the same thing this morning. I hope this kid comes soon," Julianna said.  
"Things going well for you with the pregnancy," Gail asked.  
Julianna had revealed the miscarriage saga and knew she hadn't told her estranged husband she was pregnant. Gail and Laurie had promised to help Julianna with the delivery when the time came. Julianna knew Mike would be there, but she also knew that they would both be really uncomfortable if he had to watch her give birth. Gail and Laurie had promised to help and Julianna was grateful to have found such great friends.

"Yeah. Although, I won't breathe easy until I hold that screeching infant in my arms," Julianna said.

The three women shared small talk and, despite the paramedics being busy, Julianna was able to leave on time and signed out her last patient to Dr. DeRoy.

"I'll see you after maternity leave," she said to him.  
"Hurry back. This place won't be the same without you," he said.  
Julianna smiled and waved before heading out the waiting taxi.

Two days after her due date, Julianna gave birth to a healthy baby. Holding her child in her arms caused her to cry. She didn't know what to do, but, thankfully, her mother had promised to stay with her and help her get the hang of things.

As she nursed the infant, she was struck by how much the baby already looked like its father. The nurse came in to take the baby to the nursery so the doctor could see it.

"Have you come up with a name," the nurse asked.  
Julianna chewed her lower lip. She smiled and said, "Jillian. Jillian Ruby Gage."

"That's beautiful. I'll get the birth certificate paperwork to you as soon as she's in the nursery," the nurse said.  
As the door to the room opened, she saw her parents and her brother waiting to come inside.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: All characters, with the exception of Julianna and Jillian, belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal.

A few hours later, Mike said, "Well, now that you have had the baby, don't you think you need to tell Johnny," he asked.  
Julianna, who handed the baby to her brother, said, "I will tell him when I'm ready," Julianna said.

"Come on Juju. Everything is fine. I'm sure if you go back now, everything will be fine. Especially since you have this little bundle here," Mike said.  
Julianna looked out the window. "No. I should have gone back months ago, but now I think it's too late."

"Why do you say that," Mike asked.  
"He forgave me for walking out on him once without telling him. Then, I have a miscarriage and never told him I was pregnant. Do you honestly think he's going to forgive me a second time for walking out on him. And not only did I walk out, but I was pregnant. I now have a child, Johnny's child and he doesn't know. He missed everything. No, Mike, it's too late. Jill can meet her father when she's older, but I can't be a part of that reunion," Julianna said.  
Mike knew his sister was still in love with her husband and wanted nothing more than to give her daughter a father. He just had to get her to see that.

"So why Jillian," Mike asked, mesmerized by the little baby he was now holding. He knew he'd be holding his own child soon, but his little niece was stealing his heart.

Julianna sighed. "Johnny and I talked about this in high school. Purely for informational purposes. We used to talk about him becoming a firefighter and my becoming a doctor and where we would live and what we would name our children. I always said I wanted to name our first son after him. He blushed at that idea. Then he said he always thought we'd name our daughter something that started with J. I mentioned Jillian because I always liked that name. He thought it was pretty. I hadn't thought about it until I held her in my arms and remembered what we had said. I named her after Johnny's aunt Ruby," Julianna said.

Mike handed his sleeping niece back to his sister and looked at her. "Juju, don't you think that by naming her after Johnny's aunt and giving her a name he liked, you should tell him he's a father," he said.

Julianna looked at her daughter. "Please, Mike. I'll tell him when I'm ready," she said.

Mike decided to drop the subject with his sister. He knew the longer she stayed gone, the less likely Johnny was to be forgiving of her choice.

He watched his sister with her daughter and smiled. Despite his desire for his sister to tell Johnny, he had no choice but to go along with his sister's request.

A week later, Mike said good-bye to his sister and headed back to his home and his wife. Beth had recently gotten pregnant and, while she wasn't as paranoid as Julianna, still worried because, as a nurse, she knew what could go wrong.

"You sure you'll be alright," Mike asked.

"Mom and dad are here and so I'll be fine. Tell Barb I'll come to your house soon and help her get ready for your baby," Julianna said.

"You're not going to tell Johnny," Mike asked.

Julianna looked at her daughter, sleeping in her bassinet.

"No. I can't. If he finds out what I did, he's going to hate me more than he does now. I don't want him to hate his child. No, Mike, I have to build a life for Jill and myself without Johnny. I'm going to visit a lawyer and send him divorce papers. That way, he can move on with his life and forget he ever met me. I'm sure he wishes that already," Julianna said.

Mike shook his head.

"Jill is his daughter. Don't you think he has a right to know? Would you have told him in college," Mike asked.  
Julianna shook her head. "I don't know, Mike. I can't think about the past. I have to concentrate on the future and my daughter," Julianna said. He knew Johnny wanted Julianna back. However, he didn't know if he could convince his stubborn sister of that.

"I think you're wrong, Juju, but I can't change your mind. What are you going to do when Jillian wants to know about her father? How is she going to feel when she finds out you KNEW where her father was and why you decided not to tell him what happened. Don't you think Jillian is going to be upset with you over this," Mike asked his sister.

Julianna didn't say anything. Mike shook his head, "I'll call you when I get home," Mike said.

Julianna watched her brother head out the door and get in his truck. She knew he meant well, but she hoped Mike understood about her feelings.

BACK IN LA

Johnny knocked on Roy's door.  
"Johnny, come on in," Joanne said, accepting a hug from her husband's friend.

"You know I can't refuse your cooking, Jo," Johnny said.  
"He's out back with Chet and Marco," she said.

Johnny walked to the patio door and onto the patio. "Hey guys," he said, shaking hands with everyone.

"How have you been, Johnny," Marco asked.  
"I'm OK. Just working," he said.

The three men looked at each other. They knew Johnny was trying to drown himself in work and wanted to figure out a way to help him.

"Want to come to the football game this weekend," Marco asked.  
Johnny shook his head. "No, thanks, Marco. I've got some things that need doing at the ranch," he said.

Roy shrugged his shoulders. He'd been trying to draw Johnny out of his shell and back with his friends, but Johnny seemed unwilling to pull himself out of the prison he found himself.

The doorbell rang and Joanne let inside an attractive blonde.

"Hi. You must be Sara's sister," Joanne said, taking in the site that was in front of her.

Chet had mentioned that Sara's sister was visiting and wanted to invite her for dinner. Joanne knew what Chet was doing and wanted to tell him to leave Johnny alone. She knew Chet was trying to get Johnny's mind onto other things and didn't think it was right for Johnny's friends to be encouraging him to date. Roy had said the same thing, but no one wanted to listen to him.

"Sara's in the dining room with us girls," Joanne said.

"Thank you for inviting me. I'm Naomi Stevens," the blonde said.  
"Naomi! Welcome! Come and meet the gang," Sara said, hugging her sister. "Chet, Mimi is here," Sara called to her husband.

He gathered the men and ushered them inside to meet his sister-in-law. Chet knew Roy didn't approve of his plan to introduce Johnny to another woman, especially so soon after Julianna had left, but Chet thought Johnny needed to get back into the game.  
Naomi came in and Sara immediately introduced her. "This is Joanne DeSoto. That's her husband Roy behind her. This is Estella and Marco Lopez. And the guy hiding in the corner is John Gage," Sara said, shooting a look at Johnny. "Everyone, this is my sister, Naomi Stevens."

"Nice to meet you," Naomi said.

"Why don't you all sit down. Dinner's ready," Joanne said.

Everyone sat down at the table. Johnny pretended not to notice that Chet had managed to get Naomi seated next to him for dinner.  
Johnny also pretended not to notice the way Naomi was flirting with him while the others were discussing other things.

"So, John, you're a fireman, too," she said, taking a drink from her water glass.

"Yeah. I'm a Captain," he said, eating his food.

"That must be very exciting. What do you do when you're not being a fireman," she asked, batting her eyes at him.

"Work on my ranch," Johnny said.

Naomi's eyes got big. "A ranch? Sounds impressive," she said.

"Not really, but it is mine," he said, trying his best to get Roy's attention so Johnny could shift the conversation, but Roy was talking with Marco.

"It must be terribly exciting being a fireman. Sara talks about how much Chet enjoys his work, but I know she must worry about him," Naomi said.  
"We do enjoy what we do," Johnny said.  
Naomi made small talk with Johnny and he choked down his dinner and made polite comments back to Naomi when all he wanted to do was get out of there.

"So, John, I have tickets to the drag race in Valencia tomorrow night. Would you like to go with me," Naomi asked.  
Johnny nearly spit out his water. He glared at Chet; the reason for the night becoming apparent. He knew Roy had nothing to do with this, but Johnny was willing to be that Chet and Marco were in it up to their eyeballs.  
"Drag races. Sounds like great fun, but I can't. I'm married. Thanks for dinner Jo, Roy. I've gotta run," Johnny said, getting out of his chair quickly and heading for the door.

Everyone at the table glared at Chet, but for different reasons. Before Roy could get up, Joanne was out of her chair and went after Johnny.

"Johnny, wait," Joanne said.

Johnny stopped in mid-stride and turned around.  
"Yeah, Jo," he asked, wiping his face with the back of his hand.  
She went to the man she thought of as a brother and wrapped him in a hug.

"I had no idea Chet was going to invite her over for that. I told everyone that you weren't ready for dating again," she said.  
Johnny didn't say anything. He sat on the front porch of the house and sighed. "I can't think about another woman. At least not until I know what happened with Jules. I just can't Jo," he said.  
Joanne was about to speak when Chet came out the door.  
"Johnny, can I talk to you," he said.

Joanne sent a glare in his direction.

"Not now Chet," she said.  
"What," Johnny asked.

"I'm sorry. I just thought that, maybe, if you had someone else who was interested in you, you might get out of your funk. Julianna's been gone for a while now. Why don't you go out? Get your mind off of her," Chet said.  
Johnny stood up and, as usual, towered over Chet. "Get my mind off of her? Chet, I'm still married and until my wife walks through the door and tells me she doesn't love me anymore, I'll stay married," Johnny said.  
"What are you going to do, Johnny? Pretend you're wife is at work all the time? Act like the dutiful husband when you don't know what you're wife is doing? Why punish yourself. Everyone hates seeing what this is doing to you. Everyone hates what Julianna's put you through. Don't you think it's time for you to move on," he asked his friend.  
"I love Juli. I know it's stupid and I should hate her, but I love her. I can't tell my heart that I shouldn't. My brain knows it's probably pointless, but my heart won't give up. I can't give up. I love her, Chet, and no blonde is going to my attention away from that fact," Johnny said.

"I thought I was doing you a favor," Chet said, shocked at Johnny's reaction.  
Johnny poked two fingers at Chet. "Don't do me any favors," he said, before getting in his Rover and heading home.

Joanne looked at Chet. "Satisfied? He's not going to see anyone or do anything that involves another woman until he sorts things out with Julianna. He loves her. Don't try to fix things, Chet," Joanne said.

She headed back into the house and Roy was waiting by the front door.

"I'm sorry, Roy," Chet said.  
"I know," Roy said.

The party broke up shortly after. Sara and Chet took Naomi home. Sara apologized for Chet and his attempt at matchmaking. "I didn't know he was trying to set Johnny up with Mimi. I thought he wanted her to come to dinner because he didn't want her to eat alone tonight. I'm sorry, Joanne and Roy," Sara said.  
Roy shook his head. "It's fine. Course it did prove how much Johnny still loves Julianna. And there isn't a thing any of us can do to fix it," Roy said.

He bid his guests goodbye before helping Joanne in the kitchen with the dishes.  
"You going to call him," Joanne asked her husband.  
"Tomorrow. I'm going to give him a chance to calm down and think. He's got to do something. He can't go on living like this," Roy said.  
Joanne sat the towel on the counter and faced her husband.  
"Do you think Bob and Beth know anything," Joanne asked.  
"Bob said he didn't know anything. Mike talked to him right after Julianna left," Roy said.  
"If Juli came back, would Johnny welcome her," Joanne asked.  
"You know he would," Roy said.  
"Well, then, we have to pray that somehow, Julianna will realize what a fool she's been and come back to Johnny. Or pray that Johnny realizes there might not be anything to hold onto any longer," Joanne said.  
Roy nodded in agreement with his wife. He knew Johnny would love to have his wife return, but Roy was beginning to hope he gave up on Julianna coming home. Too much time was passing and Roy didn't know how much longer he could hold out hope for Julianna and Johnny forever.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: All characters, except for Julianna and Jillian, belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal.

Julianna thought about that conversation with her brother from nearly six months ago. She knew she had to do something so she and Johnny wouldn't be living in limbo, but something was holding her back. She knew her second anniversary was approaching and she decided it would be for the best if she went ahead and ended the marriage. She knew Johnny must be seeing someone else, or at least had offers, and she wanted him to be happy. She would ignore the fact that her heart hurt knowing it was possible.

She pushed the suggestions of her brother to move back to LA and let Johnny be a father. Julianna tried to get him to understand that, while she knew it was unfair, the best for Johnny was for Julianna to completely sever ties with him. He deserved to be happy, even if it wasn't with Julianna.

She'd had several fights with Mike regarding her daughter and telling Johnny. She hated fighting with her brother, but she couldn't go back.

She called Beth and asked if she could drop Jill off at her apartment. Beth agreed, so Julianna got Jill ready to drop Jillian off at Beth's house.

She dropped her daughter off with her friends and headed to the city to find a divorce attorney.

"You want to send your husband divorce papers, but you don't want him to know where you are, is that right," Steve Collins, divorce attorney, asked.

"Yes. I don't care what you have to put down as a reason for the divorce, but I just need you to draw up the papers and send them to him at the address I've given you. I also want it handled by an attorney in LA. I don't want my him to know where I am," Julianna said.  
"You walked out on him? Were you abused? Is that the reason for the secrecy," the attorney questioned.

"Yes, I left, but no he wasn't abusive. He's the sweetest guy I know. I made a mistake and left him. The only way I can fix it is to let it him go. Now, can you file the papers and send them to him," Julianna asked.  
"Of course. I'll draw them up and send them out first thing in the morning. My brother has an office in LA, I'll get his office to handle the correspondence," he said.  
Julianna thanked him, wrote him a check for his retainer and headed back home. As she sat behind the wheel of her car, the sunlight caught the silver of her wedding band. Julianna had left the engagement ring behind when she left, but hadn't been able to leave the wedding band behind. Despite knowing how Johnny would hate her, she couldn't bear the thought of removing it and leaving it behind until she knew it was over. Wiping her face, she headed back toward her house.

THREE WEEKS LATER

Johnny ate another tasteless meal. He found he ate just because he needed to, not because he had an appetite. He was about to take a shower when the doorbell rang. He was going to ignore it, but the ringing continued. Sighing, he unlocked the door.

"Mr. Gage," a man in a suit asked.  
"Yeah. Who are you," Johnny asked.  
"I'm from the office of Collins and Brown. I have something for you," he said, handing Johnny the envelope.

"What is this," Johnny asked.  
"You have been served, sir. Have a nice day," the man said.  
Johnny watched the man get in his car and head back out the driveway. He closed the door and went into the kitchen. He sat down at the paper and wondered why he was being sued.

He opened the envelope and pulled out the papers.

"Request for Dissolution of Marriage," Johnny read.

"Julianna Grace Gage, nee Stoker, petitioner, John Roderick Gage, respondent." Johnny shook his head. Julianna had filed for divorce.  
The thought was unreal. He knew it had been nearly a year and a half since they had seen each other, but he hadn't given up the hope that she would come back. He'd tried getting Julianna's parents to tell him where she was, but they had left LA after they returned from their around the world trip. He'd contacted Mike, but Mike wouldn't tell him anything either. When Mike took another job, Johnny had felt angry and relieved. Angry because he knew Mike knew about Julianna and relieved because he wouldn't have to see him all the time and be reminded of her.

He picked up the phone and called Roy. He needed to talk with someone about this and Roy would be the perfect person.

An hour later, Roy and Johnny were at a burger stand not far from their former station.  
"She filed for divorce," Roy asked.

"Yeah. Got the papers this morning. Can you believe that? She didn't even tell me she wanted out," Johnny said.  
"What are you going to do? Get your own attorney," Roy asked.  
"No," Johnny said.  
"Huh," Roy asked.  
"I'm going to this attorney's office and give them back the papers. I'm going to tell them that if my wife wants to divorce me, I want her to come to me and tell me herself. I will not just sign the papers and act like the marriage never happened; that we'd never met. I tried to do that ten years ago and I was miserable. I want an explanation, Roy. She owes me that much," Johnny said.

"You want to stay married," Roy questioned.  
"If she doesn't want to stay married to me, I want her to tell me to my face. Don't you think I at least deserve that much," Johnny asked.  
Roy nodded. He knew Julianna should give Johnny an explanation, especially after walking out on him for the second time.

"Julianna is the only woman I want in my life. If she doesn't want to be with me, that's fine. I'll accept it and I'll try to move on. But I'm not going to forget what she meant to me. I can't," Johnny said.  
The two continued their conversation, steering it away from Julianna before finally heading back to their respective homes.

The next morning, Johnny left his house and headed for downtown LA. He had arranged for the Captain of the C-shift at his station to stay over for him for a few hours. Johnny had worked for him on several occasions and Captain Smith was glad to pay the favor back.

Johnny parked his car on the street in front of one of the many skyscrapers that dotted the LA skyline. He entered the lobby and found the office of the attorney listed on Julianna's divorce papers.

He arrived at the office and spoke with the secretary.  
"Good morning, sir. Do you have an appointment," she asked.  
"No, but I need to speak to someone about the divorce papers I received," he said.  
The secretary looked a bit alarmed and Johnny quickly said, "I'm not angry, I just need to talk to the attorney that drew them up. I need to make sure of something," Johnny said.  
He handed the secretary the papers and, after a quick glance, called David Collins.  
"Mr. Collins said to come to his office. Last door on the left," she said.  
Johnny thanked her and threw his trademark grin in her direction and headed down the hallway.

Mr. Collins was waiting in the doorway for Johnny.  
"Mr. Gage. What can I do for you," he asked.  
"You drew up these papers for my wife and I wanted you to deliver a message to her. I will not sign any divorce paperwork until she tells me, to my face, what happened and that she doesn't love me any longer. All I want is a face to face. If she still wants this divorce, I'll give it to her, no questions asked," Johnny said.  
Mr. Collins looked at the paperwork and at Johnny. He'd seen many distraught spouses in his line of work, but something about Johnny's appeal struck him.  
"I'll contact my client and let you know. Do you have a number where you can be reached," he asked.  
Johnny gave his home number as well as the station number. "I'm heading on duty for 24 hours," Johnny said.  
Mr. Collins nodded and stood up to shake his hand. "I'll see what she wants to do, Mr. Gage."  
"That's all I ask," Johnny said, before heading out the door.

He drove to his station, feeling better than he had in a long time. Despite what Julianna might say, the prospect of seeing her again warmed his heart and he hoped would keep her from divorcing him.

Julianna had settled Jill with her parents, who were visiting for the week, and headed for work. She was going to have lunch with her friends, Laurie and Gail. They were off that day and agreed to meet Julianna at the hospital cafeteria.

No sooner had Julianna gotten into her office, than the phone rang.  
"Dr. Julianna Stoker," she said.  
"Dr. Stoker, this Steve Collins. My brother just heard from your husband and he's requesting a meeting before he'll sign the papers. Do you want us to arrange a meeting here or in LA," he asked.  
Julianna was shocked. She hadn't expected him to contest her filing.  
"No. Can you pull the petition while I figure out what to do? I might see if I can get my brother to arrange a meeting with him," Julianna said.  
"What ever you want. I'd be glad to pull the petition and keep it on file in case you change your mind," he said.  
"Thank you," she said, hanging up the phone.

Lost in thought, she didn't hear the knock on the door and hear her friends come inside the room.  
"Juli," Laurie called.  
"Oh, my! I must have been daydreaming. Ready to get that lunch? I'm not on duty for another hour," Julianna said.

"Everything OK," Gail asked as they walked toward the cafeteria.  
"Yeah, I'm starving. My daughter didn't want me to leave her and I didn't get to eat breakfast because she was so clingy this morning," Julianna said.

The trio entered the cafeteria and Julianna wasn't surprised to find her co-worker, fellow physician, Dr. Hugh DeRoy in the cafeteria as well.  
"Juli! How are you today," he asked.  
"I'm doing well, Hugh. You," she asked, picking up a salad from the salad bar.  
"Much better now that you're here," he said.  
Julianna rolled her eyes as she picked up a chicken salad sandwich and coffee from the counter and headed for the cashier.  
"Let me," he said, pulling out the money before Julianna could protest.  
"Thank you, Hugh," Julianna said.  
"So, I was wondering. Would you be interested in going out to dinner with me Friday night," he asked.  
Julianna nearly tripped over her own two feet. "Dinner? Hugh, I can't go out with you," she said, hoping she was sincere in her refusal.

"Julianna, you've been here nearly a year and you never date. I know you're daughter's father isn't in the picture so why do you insist on putting yourself in this self-imposed singleness," he asked.  
"It's complicated, Hugh. Thanks for lunch. I'll buy your lunch tomorrow," she said.

She sat down at the table with Gail and Laurie and prayed that Hugh would continue walking. "Is he gone," she whispered to her friends.  
"Headed for the doctor's dining area. Why don't you ever sit in there," Laurie asked.  
"It's a male dominated room. I'm one of the few female physicians in this hospital. Besides, I like slumming it out here with you two," she said.  
The three made small talk until Julianna needed to report for her shift. She promised to get together with the girls later and headed for the ER.

She arrived on the floor and headed for the nurses station.

She was getting ready to see patients when the phone rang.

"ER, Dr. Stoker," she said.

"Juli, I need you up here, now," came the frantic voice of her friend, Bob.

"What's wrong? Are you in maternity," she asked.

"Yes, just get up here," he said, hanging up the phone.

Julianna wasn't sure what was happening. She knew Bob and Beth were expecting their second child any day and Bob had called last night and said they were heading for the hospital. Julianna had promised to visit as soon as the baby was born.

"Hugh, can you cover for me. Bob just called from upstairs and is frantic. I need to see what's wrong. I'll be right back," she said.  
"Sure. Hope everything is OK," DeRoy said.  
Julianna jogged to the elevator and was on the maternity floor in no time.

"Juli! OR," said Mary, head nurse of maternity.

Julianna rushed through the doors and quickly gowned herself and washed her hands.  
She peeked her head into the window and saw Dr. Victor Harris, the doctor that delivered Jillian, working feverishly. She was about to push open the door when she saw Bob sitting in a chair outside the OR. She immediately went to her friend.  
"Bob, what's wrong," she asked, but the pitting of her stomach was telling her it wasn't good.

"She's going to die, Juli. Beth is going to die," he said, breaking down.


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal. I own Julianna and Jillian.

Julianna was shocked. Seeing her friend breaking down was something she'd never thought she'd see. Bob had always been the strong one, but now, he was devastated.

She hated leaving her friend, but she had to find out what was happening.

She opened the doors of the OR and was amazed at the loudness.

"Vic! What's going on? Can I help," Julianna asked.

"I can't get ahead of the bleeding. I'm doing a hysterectomy, but I don't know if I can get control in time," he said, sweat beading on his forehead.  
Julianna took the offered gloves and entered the field to assist.

She watched the monitors and knew what was happening. Beth was bleeding out. Just as Julianna was about to say something, Beth's vitals crashed and she went into cardiac arrest.

"Arrest! Starting CPR," Julianna said, immediately starting compressions on Beth.

Tears clouded her vision. She couldn't believe this. Her friends were supposed to be welcoming with joy their second child, but now she didn't know if they would ever get that joyful celebration.

Victor and Julianna used every drug and trick at their disposal and were still unable to get Beth's heart started. After an hour of CPR, Julianna knew the odds of Beth coming out of this were slim. The thought of her best friend losing his wife on the same day he welcomed a new baby was almost too much for her to take.

Julianna looked at herself and saw the blood on her gloves and gown. She knew she was covered in her friend's blood, but she stood in the OR, unable to believe what had happened.

Victor came up beside her. "I'm sorry, Juli. I should go tell Mr. Bellingham," he said.

Julianna held up her hand. "No, Vic. He's my friend. I'll do it," she said.  
Julianna took a deep breath, the sorrow in her soul was nearly crippling. She pushed open the door and Bob was still there. A nurse had brought his child from the nursery for him to hold. She saw Julianna exit the OR and she reached for the child. The nurse tucked the baby into the crib. "I'll bring him to you when you get settled," she said, heading down the hallway.

Bob looked up at Julianna. He took in the blood on her gown, her face and started shaking his head. "Don't," he started saying.

Julianna took her friend's hand and urged him to sit.

Bob sat there, shaking his head. "No. Don't Juli, don't. Don't tell me that the day I welcome a son, I'm saying goodbye to my wife. Don't tell me that, Juli," he said.  
Tears coming down her face, Julianna looked at her friend. "I'm sorry, Bob. We tried everything we could, but Beth's gone," she said.

They sat in silence, the quiet tears pouring down her friends face.

Fifteen minutes later, Bob looked at Julianna. "What will I tell Chrissy? What about Bobby," he asked.  
Julianna shook her head. "I don't know, but Beth will live on in your children and you and I and the rest of your family will tell them stories about the wonderful person their mother was. We'll make sure they know who their mother was," Julianna said.

Bob stood, ready to go and see his son, dealing with the pain of losing Beth later.

Julianna led her friend to the nursery. Before he went inside, Bob turned to her.

"Go back, Juli," he said before heading into the nursery.

Julianna watched her friend take his son and she turned away. She headed back to the ER and sat at the nurses desk. She watched the people milling around and just broke down.

Hugh saw her at the desk and came to her. "Julianna, what's the matter," he asked, his voice full of concern for his co-worker.  
"Bob's wife, Beth, just died. She had a section to have their son and something happened. I worked with Victor for an hour and we couldn't get her back. I just don't understand this. Those two were so in love and so excited about having a family. Now, Chrissy's only going to have these hazy memories of her mother. Bobby will only have pictures and stories about who Beth was and how much she loved both of her children. Bob's going to have to raise his kids without their mother," Julianna said, breaking down.  
Hugh looked into her eyes. "I hate to say this, but maybe you should take it as a sign. A sign to go back and let Jill know her father. Give her a chance for a family. Give her the chance that Chrissy and Bobby won't have," he said.

Julianna looked at her friend. What would happen if something happened to her? Hating the pain in her chest, she picked up the phone and dialed a number.

She only hoped the person on the other end, didn't hang up immediately when they found out she was on the other end.

The phone rang at the DeSoto home and Joanne, in a rush to get out the door, nearly let it ring. Grabbing the phone in the kitchen she said, "Hello."

"Joanne? It's Juli," Julianna said.

Joanne collapsed into the chair in the kitchen. Everything she was going to do today was going to have to wait. Her best friend was on the phone and she had no intention of getting off the phone until she knew where she was and convinced her to come back.

"Juli! Where are you? Are you OK? Are you coming back," she asked.

"Could I come and stay with you? I need to see Johnny and I'm afraid," Julianna said, her voice breaking.

"Juli, what's wrong," Joanne asked.  
"Beth and Bob Bellingham had their second child today. A boy," she said.  
Joanne didn't understand the reason behind the sorrow in Julianna's voice, so she said, "That's great!"

"Beth died," Julianna said, her voice barely a whisper.

Joanne suddenly got what Julianna meant. "You're always welcome here. Chris and Jenny are going to my parents for the weekend, so it will just be us. When are you coming," she asked.  
"I'm going to catch a flight. I'll call you when I know more. Is Johnny or Roy working today," Julianna asked.  
"No, they're off for the next few days. Roy's actually out with Johnny now. Call me and let me know when I need to pick you up. I'll be there," Joanne said.

"Thanks, Jo. I'll explain everything when I see you," Julianna said.  
"You'd better," Joanne said, shocked at her harsh tone.  
"I will. And don't worry, I'm very mad at myself right now, too," she said before hanging up the phone.

Joanne stood in the kitchen, staring at the phone. She couldn't believe that her friend was coming home and, hopefully, let Johnny know what happened. She was standing in the kitchen when Roy returned.  
"Hey, babe! Thought you'd be gone," he said.  
"I just got a phone call," she said.  
"Everything OK," Roy asked, noticing his wife with an odd look on her face.  
"Beth Bellingham died today. Something must have happened during delivery. She gave birth today and now she's dead," Joanne said.  
Roy wrapped his wife in a hug. "I'm sorry, Jo," he said, rubbing her back. "Wait, how did you know about Beth? Did Bob call you," he asked.  
Joanne shook her head. "No. Julianna did."

Roy's eyes went wide and his jaw hit the floor in surprise. "Julianna called you? What's going on?"

"She's coming home. She needs to see Johnny. I guess being there when her best friend's wife died made her realize she had to finish things with Johnny. She'll call when she knows what time her flight will get in," Joanne said.  
Roy was thinking a thousand things at once. "Should we call Johnny," he asked.

"Let's get Julianna in the house. You can call Johnny when she gets here. I just hope this ends well, for both of them," Joanne said.

Julianna hung up the phone and picked up the phone book. She called the airlines and found a flight that left in three hours, arriving in LA at 1 that afternoon. She found it hard to believe it was only 8 in the morning. Her shift at the hospital had started at 6.

She rushed to find Hugh. He was coming out of an exam room when she found him.  
"Hugh, I have to go to LA. Can you cover for me? I've got to go to my house and pack and pick up Jill," she said, her mind spinning at everything that could happen in the next few hours.  
"Of course. Will you call and let me know what happens," he asked.  
"Yeah. Thanks," she said.

"Think he'll take you back," he asked.  
"I don't know and it doesn't matter. He just has to know his daughter and she has to know him," Julianna said, rushing out the door to her car.

She pulled up to her house and rushed inside.

"Katrina," she called as she rushed up the stairs.  
"What is it, ma'am," Katrina asked.

"Jill and I are going to LA," she said, packing her suitcase. She had no idea what she was putting in the suitcase, but she didn't care.

"Is everything OK, ma'am," Katrina asked. Katrina was Julianna's nanny. She'd hired her because her parents refused to help her because they didn't like what she was doing. She hadn't spoken to Mike since he left the week after Jillian was born. Julianna was, in all sense, an orphan. She had no one she could call, but she was hoping by returning to LA, she'd at least get her parents back. She knew it hurt for her parents to keep away from their granddaughter and Julianna wanted her family back.  
Julianna put Jillian's clothes into the suitcase and gathered her diapers and some toys for the trip.

"Beth Bellingham died after giving birth to her and Bob's son. I was wrong to keep Jill from Johnny and I was wrong to leave. I should have told him how scared I was and how I didn't know what to do. I don't want something to happen and Johnny not know his daughter. Chrissy and Bobby won't have their mom. They can't be a complete family. I can at least give Jillian her father," Julianna said.  
She grabbed the bags and went to the phone to call a cab.

"I'll send you a check for your time. I'll let you know if I need you for anything else," she said.  
"Of course," Katrina said.

She made a quick call to Joanne, who promised to be at the airport to pick her up.

Ten minutes later, the cab was at the house. Hugging her daughter, Julianna got in and watched the scenery as they headed for the airport.

The flight was uneventful and Jillian slept through most of it. Julianna didn't eat anything, her stomach was nothing but a big knot. She didn't know how she'd be received by her friends or her husband. She didn't know what they would say when they found out about Jill. She just knew she had to give Johnny the opportunity to know his daughter.

A porter pushed Julianna's luggage to the waiting area out in front of the airport. Joanne was leaning against her station wagon.

"Juli," she called.  
Julianna headed toward her friend and, when Joanne's eyes fell to the infant Julianna was carrying, an audible 'oh' escaped her lips.

The porter loaded the luggage in the back of the wagon and Julianna tipped him.

She turned back to her friend.  
"Surprise," she said, trying to lighten the moment.

"Is this why you left," Joanne asked, looking at the baby that was sleeping.

"Yeah. I was scared. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I'm good at when it comes to Johnny. I ran," she said.

"Come on. Let's get you to the house," Joanne said.  
Julianna climbed into the backseat with her daughter.

The two were quiet as Joanne navigated the traffic away from the airport.

"You going to stay," Joanne asked.  
"Depends on Johnny's reaction. I mean, I want him to be in Jill's life. I just don't know how much of a part he wants me to play in his," she said.

"Her name is Jill," Joanne asked.  
"Jillian Ruby Gage," Julianna replied.

Joanne kept quiet. The little girl looked to be about six months old and looked to have Johnny's dark hair.

Joanne pulled into the driveway and Julianna wasn't surprised to see Roy standing on the porch.

"Juli! It's great to see you," Roy said as he helped her out of the car.  
His eyes fell on Jill and he looked at Julianna. "Meet Johnny's daughter, Jillian Ruby."  
All the things Roy could have said and done to Julianna, he did the one thing she hadn't expected; he hugged her.

"We've all missed you," he said.

He took the luggage and Joanne took the baby from her.  
"I've got to get my hands on this little darling," Joanne said.

"She's probably going to be hungry. She slept for most of the flight.

Joanne went inside with the baby, leaving Roy and Julianna outside. "Will you call Johnny? I think I need to get this done sooner rather than later," Julianna said.  
"Sure. He's supposed to come over for dinner. Why don't you go inside and take care of feeding Jill and I'll get Johnny over here," Roy said.  
Julianna thanked her friend and went inside.

She found Joanne at the table with Jill, feeding her some of the baby food Julianna had brought with her.

"Thanks, Jo," Julianna said.  
"No problem. This little girl has Johnny's eyes," Joanne said.

"She's just like her father. I feel like a fool," Julianna said.  
Joanne put the child on the floor in the living room and turned to her friend. "Good. You should," Joanne said.

Julianna swallowed and met her friends eyes.

"You did something unforgivable, Juli. I wouldn't blame Johnny if he told you he never wanted to see you again," Joanne said.  
"I deserve everything everyone has to give me. I acted foolishly and I can only hope that Johnny still has that big heart of his and can open it; at least enough to acknowledge I'm Jill's mother," Julianna said.  
"That might be all you're going to get from him. I know he still loves you and I don't see that changing, but would you forgive him if he did this to you," Joanne asked.  
Tears slipped down Julianna's cheeks. "You're right. I still love him and will always love him," she said.

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it," Joanne said.

Julianna could do nothing but nod her head. She wiped her face with her hand. She knew her friend was right and she also knew, this was only the beginning.

"Johnny's here," Roy called into the living room.  
"Why don't I take her into the other room. I'll bring her out when he's ready," Joanne said, taking the bag and stuff into the bedroom. She spoke softly to Jill and Julianna allowed herself to smile. If nothing else, her friends accepted her child. Even if they hated her, they loved her daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal. I own Julianna and Jillian.

Roy called his friend and told him he needed to come to the house.

Johnny had protested, but Roy practically begged his friend to come and Johnny agreed.  
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," Johnny said.

Roy went inside and told Joanne Johnny was on his way. Joanne told Julianna and saw the real fear in her eyes.

'She should feel something,' Joanne thought to herself. Watching the young woman with her daughter, however, Joanne couldn't deny that Julianna loved that little girl.

Roy waited outside for his friend to show up.

"I told you I'd be over for dinner. What's so important I had to come over now," Johnny asked his friend as he got out of his car.

Roy ushered his friend into the house. "Go into the living room. I'll get us some drinks," Roy said.

Johnny shrugged his shoulders and went into the house, going into the living room. As he stepped into the room, he saw someone he thought he'd never see again.  
"Jules," he choked out.

Before Julianna could respond, Johnny rushed to her, took her in his arms and kissed her. Julianna found her head spinning. She lost herself in that kiss. She knew it was probably the last one he'd ever give her and she wanted the memory.

'There you go being selfish again, Julianna,' she thought to herself.

She broke away and looked at Johnny.

"What happened? Where have you been," he asked.

She stepped out of his embrace. "I want you to know, I love you. I've never stopped," she said, tears coming down her face.

"I love you, too. We can talk about this later. Let's just go home," he said.

Julianna shook her head. "You don't know the whole story, Johnny and when you do, you're going to hate me," she said.  
Johnny was confused. "Why would I hate you? I'm mad because you left, but we can talk about that later. You're back and that's all that counts," he said.  
"No, Johnny. It's more than that. So much more. I found out the morning I left that I was pregnant," Julianna said.

Johnny was dumbstruck. "Pregnant? Jules, why didn't you tell me? You left because you were pregnant? Why," he questioned.  
"I couldn't take telling you that happy news and then having something happen to the baby. I didn't think you could forgive me if something happened a third time," Julianna said.

Johnny put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry you thought that. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. You could have told me, Jules. I would have understood. Maybe it's not in the cards for us to have children. I won't pressure you about children. We'll talk about it, when you're ready," he said.  
"I didn't miscarry, Johnny," Julianna said, turning around and walking to the patio door.

"I know you didn't have an abortion. Did you give the baby up for adoption," he said. The thought that his wife had given up their child for adoption hurt him almost as much as the thought of her aborting the baby. Knowing how Julianna felt about children, he was almost certain she wouldn't have done either.

"I didn't abort the baby and I didn't have give it up for adoption," she said.

She went to the bedroom and knocked on the door.

Joanne handed her the baby and went to join Roy in the kitchen.

Julianna came into the living room holding her and Johnny's daughter.

"Her name is Jillian Ruby Gage. She's six months old. She weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces at birth and was 21 inches long," she said.

Johnny looked at the little girl and then back at his wife. Julianna watched Johnny's face and knew it was mask of several different emotions. She handed her daughter back to Joanne, knowing Johnny was going to unleash all the anger on her that she deserved.

Johnny tried to digest the information. Julianna had left because she was scared and pregnant. She gave birth to his daughter on her own and hadn't even told him about it. He paced around the DeSoto living room like a caged animal. He lost focus, he lost all sense of what was going on around him. Suddenly, rage became the only emotion he could hold onto and he let it out.

Turning to Julianna he said, "You're one selfish, spoiled, immature, lying bitch, Julianna."

Roy winced at the tone in Johnny's voice. He wanted to rush in there and tell him to calm down, even though he was thinking the same things. At least to a point.

He was about to tell Johnny to calm down, when Joanne laid a hand on his arm. "Don't. They have to do this," she said.

Roy looked at the little girl his wife was holding and turned back to the scene before them.

"How in the hell could you do something like that? It's one thing to find out about the college miscarriage after the fact, but this? This is a child. MY child. I can't believe you'd do something so cruel. I can't believe you're family was a party to this. I thought they were better than that. I thought YOU were better than that," Johnny said.

Julianna stayed quiet. Tears poured down her cheeks. "I haven't seen or spoken to my parents or Mike since the week after Jillian was born. They thought I'd tell you once the Jill arrived and when I said I wasn't, they washed their hands of me. Mike told me I was being selfish and he couldn't see how I could possibly be such a caring doctor if I didn't care about the feelings of the one person I loved so much. And he's right. You're right. I'm selfish, immature, emotionally stunted. I can't explain why I did it, but I can't change what I did. I just hope, one day, you'll forgive me," Julianna said.

"Julianna do you have any idea what you've done to me? You've just turned my whole world upside down. What do you intend to do now that I know? You going to run back to San Francisco," he asked.  
Julianna just watched him.

Johnny turned around and pointed his finger at her. "You're not leaving this city with my daughter, even if I have to sue you for custody," Johnny said.

Julianna didn't say anything. She hadn't expected Johnny to threaten to sue for custody. The thought alone scared her, but she had essentially done that to him.

"I won't take her away from you. Despite the fact that I think you deserve it, I can't be that cruel," he said.

Julianna willed her heart to slow down. She had never seen Johnny so angry and she knew she deserved the anger, but a part of her wanted him to sweep her in his arms and tell her they'd work it out, for the sake of their family.

Johnny took a deep breath and looked at the woman that was still his wife.

"Are you staying in LA," he asked.  
"Yes. It's only right that I stay close to you for Jill's sake," she said.  
"Where are you going to stay," he asked.  
"I guess I'll stay in a hotel until I find another job and a place to stay," she said.

Johnny sighed.  
"Jill's going to need a room at my house anyway, so why don't we go and get what she needs so she can have a nursery at my place. You can stay there for a while. There's plenty of room," Johnny said.  
Roy breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't expected Johnny to offer Julianna a room at his house, but he knew Johnny would do what was best for his daughter.

Julianna stared at Johnny. "You want me to stay at the house," she said.  
"Yeah," Johnny said. He took his daughter from Joanne and sat down on the sofa with his precious bundle.

He was unable to fathom what had just occurred. He was a mixture of emotions and he wasn't sure how to deal with them.

He loved Julianna, but right now he didn't like her. He knew he couldn't trust her, at least not at the moment.

He couldn't believe he was a father. He also couldn't believe that Julianna had kept that from him for all this time. He was also shocked to hear that her parents and brother had cut off contact with her for what she did. He knew how incredibly close Mike and Julianna had been. He knew that must hurt her, but the way he was feeling, she deserved to be hurt.

He wished everyone had told him what had happened.

Despite how much he wanted to make her feel the same way he had, he felt bad for Julianna. 'Damn it, Gage. You're going soft now,' he thought to himself.

"Why did you come back? Why now," he asked.  
Julianna wiped her face. "Beth Bellingham went into labor last night with her and Bob's second child. She had a section this morning. Bob called me to the OR and I got there just as she went into cardiac arrest. I worked with the OB for an hour and we couldn't get her back. I sat there with Bob while he asked me what he was supposed to do, what he was he supposed to tell his children. He then told me to go back. I realized that if something happened to me, Jill wouldn't have anyone. Jill needed to have you in her life, despite everything. You deserve to know your daughter," Julianna said.

Johnny stared at his daughter. 'My daughter,' he thought to himself.

"You named her after Aunt Ruby," Johnny said, looking at Julianna with a tenderness that had disappeared when he found out about her keeping Jillian a secret.

"She was special to you. To both of us. I wanted to honor her," she said.

Johnny looked at his friends in the doorway. "Can you watch her while I take Julianna to get stuff I'll need for her," he asked Roy and Joanne.

"Sure. Is that OK with you Juli," Joanne asked.  
"I guess. Do you need me to come with you, Johnny," Julianna asked.

"I don't know what she needs and you do. Let's go. We'll come back and take her to the ranch when we're finished," Johnny said.

Julianna exited the DeSoto home and headed to Johnny's vehicle.

Julianna stole a glance at Johnny as he drove toward the department store. His jaw was set in a hard line. Something Julianna had only seen on him a few times and never would she have thought it would be directed toward her. 'You deserve it,' she reminded herself.

She tore her eyes away from him and focused on the scenery the went by. The tears silently slipped down her cheek as she saw just what she had done to the man she was supposed to love.


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal. I own Julianna and Jillian.

Johnny peeked at Julianna. Despite the anger and betrayal he felt, she still took his breath away. Her hair was longer than when she left and she looked like she had gained weight, which Johnny attributed to the baby. He hadn't asked if she was breast feeding, but, judging by the swell of her chest, he was willing to bet she was breast feeding Jill. He would have to ask her how she intended to allow him to help with that.

He knew she was realizing just how wrong her decision had been. He could tell she was crying, but she didn't want him to know. He focused on driving. 'Remember, she kept your child from you,' he said to himself.

He parked at the store and opened his door. Julianna climbed out of the car and followed Johnny across the parking lot to the store.  
Always the gentleman, Johnny held the door for her and they stepped inside the store.

"OK, what do I need at my house," he asked.  
"A crib," Julianna said.  
They headed to the back of the store where the baby department was located.

Johnny was amazed at the cribs lined up in the store. He was completely clueless about which one he needed.

Julianna stood by a simple white spindle crib. "This one is all you need. This is the one I got for Jill at my house," she said.

The saleslady came over to the couple. "Can I help you," she asked.  
Johnny was in shock. He didn't know what he needed or what to say.  
Julianna smiled at the lady. "We're doing a nursery and need a few things. This crib here and this mattress," she said, pointing to the one she had purchased for her house.

"Anything else," the lady asked.

"Yeah, but we'll let you know when we find it," Julianna said.

The lady went to write up the crib and make sure it was in stock. Johnny turned to Julianna. "There are so many things," he said, doing a slow circle in the store.

"You don't need much. I recommend a playpen. That way you can have her in it while you're downstairs and you can also take it outside and keep her safe," she said.

"Then let's get one," he said.

Julianna pointed to the one he should purchase and the saleslady added that to the sales ticket.

"I need diapers. And bottles," he said.

"Yeah. Don't forget the wipes," she said.

Johnny added several boxes of diapers and wipes into the mix.

He selected several outfits for her, with Julianna's help and picked up some soft towels for her.

"What about feedings," he asked.  
"She gets formula when I had to be at work. I wanted to make sure she was getting the calories she needed. I'll show you how to mix that up," Julianna said.

They made their way through the department, picking up small items Johnny would need for his nursery.

Julianna surprised Johnny by paying for the purchases. She turned away when he tried to talk to her about it.

The items were loaded into Johnny's Rover with the crib tied securely to the top.

When Julianna shut the door and fastened her seat belt, Johnny put the key in the ignition. He stopped his action and turned to her.  
"I meant it when I said you could stay at the house," he said.  
"I know. It might be good for Jill to get used to you first. Once you feel comfortable, I'll get another place and we can discuss a custody arrangement. I guess we can work on all that when we get the divorce," she said.

Divorce. That wasn't something he had considered. Despite how angry he was at Julianna, the thought of putting a finality on his marriage wasn't something he was willing to discuss. He didn't even want to entertain the notion.

'One thing at a time, Gage. Get used to being a dad, then you can figure out what to do with Julianna,' he thought to himself.

"Let's get Jill and head to the ranch. Let's get her settled. Did you bring anything with you," he asked.  
"I brought enough for a few days. If I'm going to move back, though, I need to arrange for my stuff to be packed and let Katrina know I won't need her anymore," Julianna said.

"When we get back, you can make your calls and make the arrangements. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm not letting you leave LA with Jill," he said.  
Julianna understood. "I can probably have her pack everything up for me. I'll have to call the hospital and let them know I'm not coming back," she said.

"Will you talk to Brackett about going back to Rampart,' he asked.  
"I guess. If he'll give me my job back. I'm sure there will be a lot of people angry at me for what I've done," Julianna said.

They pulled up to the DeSoto's and got out of the car. Julianna had asked Johnny to purchase a child restraint seat for the Rover and he buckled the seat into the back of the Rover.

They entered the DeSoto home and heard Roy talking in baby talk to Jill.

Johnny smiled. "Finally found someone who will listen to you," he quipped.  
"Funny, junior," Roy said.

"We're going to head out to the ranch and get things set up there. Juli will stay there until things get calmed down. I'm going to find out if I can take some personal time for a week or two," Johnny said, taking his daughter from Roy.

"We'll come out tomorrow night and see you guys, if that's OK," Roy asked.  
"That's fine. I'll call you," Johnny said.

"Welcome back, Juli," Joanne said, giving her friend a hug.

Julianna was a bit shocked by the gesture but smiled. "It's good to be back," she said.

Joanne looked at her friend. "I'm very angry at you for what you did, but, on some level, I can see why you did it. It's going to take me a while to get over that, but I'll do everything I can to help. Hopefully, we'll become friends again," she said.  
Julianna started crying again. "I'd like that, Jo," she said.

She took Jill from Johnny and showed him how to fasten the seat.

They headed for the ranch and Julianna wondered how it would work with the two of them living in the same space, but being apart from one another.

When they arrived at the ranch, Julianna told Johnny she could put Jill in the playpen while they set up the crib.

Johnny set the playpen up in the hallway, while he decided which room to put the crib.

"You can have our old room. I haven't slept in it since you left and if we use the room in between the two master suites, we will be able to hear her," Johnny said.

"If that's what you want," Julianna said.

She put Jill in the playpen and tossed some of the toys she had brought.

She helped Johnny put the crib together and then put the sheets on the crib, showing Johnny how to make the bed.

"I'm going to go and feed Jill. I'm about to explode," Julianna said, taking Jill and going downstairs. That was the only place she knew there was a rocking chair. She grabbed an afghan from the couch and tossed it over her shoulder. She wasn't shy about breast feeding, but she didn't think Johnny wanted to see all that right now.

While Julianna was feeding their daughter, Johnny called headquarters. He explained that he needed some personal time and, since he had so much time saved anyway, was quickly granted two weeks leave. He hoped he and Julianna had figured things out by the end of his time off.

He passed the door to the den and heard Julianna singing softly to their daughter. He watched as she put the child on her shoulder and carefully got out of the chair.

"Need help," he asked in a whisper.  
Julianna shook her head and carried the sleeping infant upstairs and placed her in her crib. She pulled a blanket out of the diaper bag and put it over the baby.

She exited the room and found Johnny waiting at the top of the stairs.

He went downstairs and Julianna followed him. She knew they had a lot to discuss and now was the perfect time to get started.

"How did you handle that with working," Johnny asked.  
"I only lived a few minutes from the hospital. I'd take a few coffee breaks and Katrina would usually walk down to the hospital with Jill. If I didn't have a chance to see her, I'd use a breast pump. Jill also gets formula at night, just because she sleeps better," Julianna said.

He nodded his understanding and turned to the counter. He picked up his keys.  
Johnny held out the keys to the Rover. "Go see Brackett," he said.

"You want me to take your car," she said.  
"Well, Jill is upstairs, so I don't think you're going to leave town again," he said.

Julianna winced at the tone of his voice, but said nothing. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door. "I'll pick up pizza on the way home," she said.  
"Fine," Johnny said.

Julianna went out the door and headed to the car. Johnny watched her go out the door and drive away.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw something, anything. He didn't know how to deal with the thousands of emotions that were taking up space in his head. The only thing he was sure of, despite everything that had happened, was what his heart told him. He loved her. He just didn't know what to do about it.

Julianna pulled into a parking space at Rampart and entered the Emergency room. As she headed toward the nurses desk, the ever vigilant Dixie was around the desk and standing in front of her shortly after she rounded the corner.  
"Julianna! Where have you been? What happened," Dixie asked.  
"Long story, Dixie. I just came to see if Kel needed any help. I need to find a job," she said.

"Since it's so important, you can see him first, but you had better tell me what happened when you're done," Dixie said.  
"I will. Promise," she said. Dixie hugged the younger doctor and pointed to Kel's office.  
Julianna gave a small smile and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Kel called.  
"Hi," she said as she entered the office.  
"Julianna! Are you back in LA? What happened? Does Johnny know you're here," he asked.  
"Yes. Long story and yes," Julianna said.

"When did you get back," he asked, not wanting to pry, but secretly wanting to know why Julianna had left in the first place.

"This afternoon. I wanted to know if you needed another doctor here," she said.

"As a matter of fact, I do. Are you available," he asked.  
"If you want to hire me," she said.  
"Of course. I told you, you would always have a home here," he told her.

"Thanks, but I should tell you something that might make you change your mind. Actually, you should call Dixie in here too," Julianna said.  
Kel threw Julianna a questioning look, but called the nurses station and asked his wife to come to his office.

Dixie came in and sat down, looking at Julianna with anticipation.

"I left LA that day because I found out I was pregnant and I panicked. I was so scared of letting Johnny down, again, that I ran to San Francisco and stayed with Bob and Beth," she said.

The Brackett's looked at her, each wanting to ask about the outcome of the pregnancy.

Julianna continued. "I had a little girl, two days after my due date. I named her Jillian Ruby Gage. She's six months old now. She's with Johnny right now."

The two looked at the younger doctor, their faces a mix of emotions. Kel looked saddened and sympathetic at her ordeal. Dixie, well, Dixie looked mad.

"Julianna Gage, that is the most selfish and insensitive thing anyone could have ever done. Especially to someone as wonderful as Johnny. That boy did nothing but love you and you paid him back by running away during the biggest event in your marriage? How could you do such a thing," Dixie asked.

Julianna nodded and looked at the floor. "You're right. I've already gotten an earful from Joanne and Johnny and I deserve everything I got and more. I can't take it back and I can't fix things. I'm here now and Johnny has his daughter. All I can do now, is hope we can be a family. Whether we stay married or not," Julianna said.

"So why did you come back," Dixie asked.

"I needed to for Jill. Beth Bellingham died in childbirth earlier this morning. I realized that I needed to come back because my daughter had two parents. Chrissy and Bobby won't have their mother. I owed it to Jillian. I owed it to Johnny. I realized how wrong it was of me to leave, but I couldn't come back. My parents, my brother, everyone's pretty much abandoned me because of the choice I made. I was wrong. I was very wrong," Julianna said, wiping the tears from her face.  
Kel cleared his throat. "When do you want to start," he asked.  
"End of the week? Johnny's on two week's leave to get settled so that will give me time to make sure he's comfortable before starting a job," she said.

"Tell Johnny to send me his work schedule and I'll try to work it so you have someone watching your daughter when you're working," Brackett said.

"I will. Thank you," she said.

Julianna turned around and headed out the door of Kel's office, leaving her the two in his office.


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Julianna and Jillian. All others belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal.

Dixie watched Julianna leave and closed the door behind her before turning to Kel.

"Can you believe that," Dixie asked her husband.  
Kel shook his head. "No, but she came back," he said.  
"She kept Johnny's child from him! How can you be so calm," Dixie asked her husband.

"I don't want to judge her. Julianna has always been an excellent physician in the time she worked here and I know she loves Johnny. Maybe the depression from the miscarriages affected her more than we thought. She and Johnny are going to have to work this out for themselves," Kel said.  
"I just can't understand how she could do something like that to Johnny. He's such a sweet guy and he loves her so much. You saw how her leaving affected him," Dixie said.  
"I know. Let's let the two of them figure out how they want to handle things. We have to stay out of it," Kel said.  
"OK, but I can't promise I won't give her another lecture if I so desire," Dixie said.  
"I understand, but don't do it here," Kel said.

Dixie shot him a look and left him to his paperwork. She headed down the hall to the nurses station.

"Dixie, I was about to take a message. There's a Bob on the phone with some information for you about his wife, Beth," Sally said.  
Dixie had completely forgotten what Julianna had told her about Beth.

"Thank you," Dixie said, taking the phone and pushing the button for the call.

"Bob? This is Dixie," she said.

"Dixie. I wanted to give you some information about Beth. She passed away this morning," Bob said.  
"I heard. Julianna Gage was just here and she told me," Dixie said.  
"Juli came home? Good. Well, I'm bringing Beth back to LA. We're having the funeral Saturday morning. Bobby will be out of the hospital Wednesday. We'll head back to LA then. We're taking the train. I thought you might want to pass the word to the hospital, in case anyone there wants to come. It will be at 11:30, Our Lady of Peace on Irvine," Bob said.

Dixie heard the monotone he delivered the information and felt for the former county paramedic. She had always liked Bob Bellingham and Beth had been the best student nurses in her class. Dixie was sorry to see her leave Rampart.

"I'll pass it along. Is there anything we can do for you," she asked.  
"Thank you. I'll let you know," Bob said.  
He hung up the phone without another word. Dixie took the information and called the nursing supervisors office. She knew the office would get the information to the other floors and shifts.

She went back to Kel's office to deliver the information.

The phone rang in the DeSoto home.  
"Hello," Roy said.

"Roy, this is Bob Bellingham. I was calling about Beth's funeral," he said.

"When is it," Roy asked.  
"Saturday, 11:30, Our Lady of Peace on Irvine," Bob said.

"We'll be there. Do you need a place to stay or anything," Roy asked.  
"No, thanks. We're going to stay with my sister. She's going to help me with the babies. She's actually on her way down now to help me get them on the train," Bob said.  
"Let us know if we can do anything," Roy said.  
"I will. Did Julianna show up at your place," Bob asked.  
"She's actually at Johnny's with Jillian. Do you need to get in touch with her," Roy asked.  
"I'll call Johnny's. I know she'd want to be there. Bye," Bob said.  
Roy hung up the phone and wrote the information on a piece of paper and stuck it on the fridge. He and Joanne would make every attempt to get the the funeral because Bob and Beth had been good friends to the couple.

Johnny watched his daughter sleeping. She made little cooing noises while sleeping and Johnny couldn't help but smile at her. Then he remembered what Julianna had done and he got angry.

He decided he was going to let Julianna live in the house and they would co-parent their daughter, but he didn't know what he wanted to do about their marriage.

He went back downstairs, just as the phone rang.

"Hello," he said.

"Johnny, it's Bob," Bob said.  
Johnny wanted to be mad at his friend for keeping Julianna's location a secret but he couldn't. Especially since his wife had died that morning and had sent Julianna back with Jillian.

"Bob. I'm sorry about Beth. Did you call to talk to Juli," Johnny asked.  
"I just wanted her to know I'll be arriving in LA Wednesday. My sister is helping me bring the kids on the train and we'll stay with her. The funeral is Saturday at 11:30, Our Lady of Peace on Irvine. I need Juli to be there," Bob said.  
"We'll all be there. I'll tell Juli when she gets back," Johnny said.

"Thank you," Bob said, ending the call. He didn't get a number because he figured Juli knew the numbers to Bob's family.

Johnny pulled a bottle of juice from the fridge and sat down at the table. He knew Beth's funeral was going to be rough on Juli. It was going to be hard on Johnny. He was thinking about several things when he heard the soft cry of his daughter. He jumped out of the chair in the kitchen and headed up the stairs.

He found his daughter wailing in her crib, her face contorted in a cute way.  
Julianna entered the house and heard Jillian crying. She headed up the stairs, but stopped when she heard Johnny talking to their daughter.

"What's the matter, Jilli-bean," he asked the little girl as he picked her up. "Oh, you need a diaper change. Well, let's see what I can do about that," he said, softly. He took a diaper and wipes and headed into his bedroom and put her down on the bed.

Julianna entered the room behind him and watched as he changed his daughter's diaper.

However, despite the dry diaper, Johnny was unable to figure out why the baby was still fussing.

"Did I get it right," he asked, mostly to himself, but Julianna entered the room and answered.

"Yeah. Her outfit might be a little wet. She does not like that in the slightest," Julianna said, handing Johnny a romper for their daughter. She helped him change her and she immediately stopped crying. Johnny picked her up and cuddled her.

"I got some pizza downstairs. I'll mix up her oatmeal and we can give her dinner. She should be ready to go to sleep tonight around 7. She usually sleeps through the night," Julianna said.

"OK. There's a lot to learn, isn't there," Johnny asked as he carried their daughter to the kitchen.

"Yeah, but, you'll figure it out. She knows she's safe with you," she said.

"Good. She's so pretty," Johnny said.

Julianna smiled. "She looks just like you. I heard you call her Jilli-bean. That's pretty funny. I call her the same thing," Julianna said.  
Johnny looked at Julianna and their eyes met. Julianna turned back to the counter to fix Jillian's oatmeal.

Johnny bounced his daughter on his knee, amazed at how the last 24 hours had changed his life.

"Did you talk to Brackett," Johnny asked.  
"Yeah. I'll start Friday. Give you some time to get used to Jill before I leave you to fly solo," Julianna said.  
"Dixie mad," Johnny asked.  
"Yeah. I'm sure I'll be getting lectures and the evil eye from her for quite some time. She feels very protective toward you," Julianna said.  
Johnny laughed. He knew his friends would have a lot to say about Julianna's behavior.

Julianna showed Johnny how to feed Jill to avoid the least mess possible.

He fed her the oatmeal and was amazed that very little got on him or the floor.

"That wasn't so hard," Julianna said, smiling at her daughter. "Let's put her on the floor her in the living room. We'll be able to see her and she'll only roll. She hasn't started crawling," Julianna added.  
Johnny put his daughter on the floor of the living room and joined Julianna back in the kitchen to eat dinner.

He watched her roll from front to back and back to front as she made her way around the living room.

"Oh, my," Johnny exclaimed as Julianna got out of her chair and 'rescued' their daughter, who had rolled under the sofa.

"That's what you have to watch for. She can get away," Julianna said.

"She's amazing, Jules," Johnny said, completely in love with the little baby on the floor.

Julianna smiled.  
"I'm going to give her a bath. Want to help," she asked.  
"Yeah. What do I have to do," Johnny asked.

"Grab those soft towels we got and bring me the diaper bag. I have her shampoo and soap in there," she said.  
Johnny nodded and went upstairs. Julianna retrieved their daughter from the floor and took her into the kitchen. She sat her on the kitchen table and started to take off Jill's clothes.

When Johnny returned from upstairs, he found Julianna stripping Jillian down to her diaper.

"What are you doing, Jules," Johnny asked, setting the items on the counter.

"Getting her ready for her bath," Julianna said.  
She picked up the baby and walked to the sink. She turned on the water, tested the temperature and then put in the stopper.

"The sink," Johnny asked, confused.  
"She's still too little to do the bathtub, so I use the sink. It's just perfect for her right now," Julianna said.

She put the baby in the water and Johnny laughed when she started patting the water, making it splash up and onto Julianna.  
"She loves the water," Julianna said.

Johnny watched as she gave the baby a bath and let her splash in the water for a few minutes when she was done.

"Take the towel and wrap her in it. The take her upstairs and we'll get her ready for bed," Julianna said.

Johnny wrapped his daughter in the towel and carried her upstairs. Julianna watched as Johnny dried her off and put her in a diaper. She handed him the pajamas and Johnny tried to put the squirming legs into the pants on the pajamas.

Julianna laughed. Johnny managed to get the pants on the child and had Julianna put the shirt on the baby.

"What do you say we let Daddy put you to bed tonight," Julianna asked her daughter.

Johnny looked at her and Julianna handed Jillian to him.

"Just rock her. I'll fix a bottle and you can give it to her," Julianna said, leaving Johnny in the room with their daughter.  
Julianna grabbed Jillian's blanket and headed to fix the bottle.

Johnny went downstairs with his daughter, truly amazed at the expressions on her face.

He went into the den and sat in the rocking chair. Julianna came into the room with the bottle and blanket.

"Just lay her in your arms and hold the bottle with your other hand," Julianna said.

She watched Johnny get himself situated and take the bottle. She draped the blanket over Jillian and stood inside the doorway to the den.  
Johnny began rocking the baby and soon he'd figured out what he was supposed to do. Julianna left him with Jill and headed to the kitchen to clean up.

When she was finished 30 minutes later she checked on Johnny. She smiled when she saw that not only was her daughter asleep, but so was Johnny.

Julianna went to the chair and gently took the sleeping baby from Johnny and put her upstairs in her crib.

She came back downstairs and gently shook him.  
"Johnny... Johnny... You should go upstairs to bed," she said.  
Johnny roused and looked at her. "Jules," he said.

"I put Jill in her crib. You should get some sleep. I'm ready to get some myself," she said.  
She headed upstairs with Johnny right behind her. At the doorway to the bedroom she stopped and looked at Johnny.  
"I'm sorry," she said.  
Johnny looked at her and a sad smile crossed his face. "I know. Good night," he said.

Julianna went into the bedroom and changed her clothes. She crawled under the covers and slept soundly for the first time in months. Jill even managed to have a quiet night.

That was how their first few days were, until it came time for Beth's funeral.

The day before Beth's funeral, Julianna was getting dressed for work.

Jillian and Johnny were still sleeping, so Julianna crept quietly around the house, getting ready for work.

Her car had been delivered to the house along with her other furniture the day before. Katrina had taken care of supervising movers and such so Julianna didn't have to return to San Francisco. Katrina also offered to move to LA and help Julianna and Johnny by babysitting when they had to work.  
Julianna had been touched by that offer. Katrina's brother lived in LA and Katrina figured she could live with him until she figured out what to do.

She left coffee in the pot for Johnny and had a bottle fixed for Jill in the fridge. She knew Johnny would call if there was a problem.  
She headed out of the house for her first work day since returning to LA.

Julianna walked into the ER and was immediately greeted by Kel.

"Juli! Welcome back. You can have your old office back," Kel said, handing her a key to the door.

Julianna headed to the office and put her stuff inside.

She headed out into the quiet department and waited for the patients to come through the doors.

Halfway through her shift, she had received a lot of looks from those that had worked with Johnny, but most were glad to see her back in the ER. She grabbed lunch in the cafeteria and took it back to her office, the paperwork was already beginning.

She had just taken a bite of her chicken sandwich, when her phone rang.

She answered it. "Dr. Julianna Sto...Gage," she said.

"Does this mean you and Johnny are staying together," the voice on the other end said.

"Mikey," Julianna said, having not heard her brother's voice in six months.

"How are you, Juju," he said.  
"I didn't think you were speaking to me," she said.

"Well, I heard you were back in town. Barb and I are living at the old house. Mom and Dad never sold it. Barb heard you were back at Rampart, so I thought I'd take a stab that you were working," Mike said.  
"Yeah. I came back Sunday afternoon. Johnny's actually at home right now with Jill," Julianna said.

"Barb's working in orthopedics now. I'm home with Timmy," Mike said.

Julianna's heart was in her throat.

"Timmy? You didn't name him Michael Junior," Julianna asked.

"Michael Timothy. Thought I'd keep the tradition going," Mike said.  
All the men in their family had the first name of Michael and either went by that or their middle name. Their father was Michael Benjamin, but went by Ben and Michael Douglas Thomas, got to go by Mike. Julianna was glad her brother was keeping the tradition going.  
"That's great. I'd love to meet him," she said.  
"How about Sunday afternoon, after church, if you're not working," Mike said.  
"I'd like that. I'll bring Jill," she said.

"You can bring Johnny, too," he said.

"I don't know if he'd want to come to a family thing. Especially after what I did to him. I'll let you know," Julianna said.  
Mike gave his sister his new number and she promised to call him.

"I love you, sis," he said.

Julianna started crying. "I love you, too, bro," she said.

She hung up the phone and wiped her face and blew her nose. She had come home and, despite not knowing what would happen with her and Johnny, she had her brother back.

She went out to finish the rest of her shift and couldn't wait to see her brother. She wondered if he would be at Beth's funeral tomorrow. As she signed out her last patient to Mike Morton, she was hit with the sadness that comes with saying goodbye to a friend.

As she headed toward the exit, Dixie called to her. Sighing, Julianna turned around. Dixie pointed to Kel's office and Julianna went inside.

Dixie closed the door and faced her former friend.

"I want you to know that I'm having a tough time getting past what you did to Johnny. How could you have left him? And while you were pregnant? I know you were scared and didn't know what to do, but you know Johnny. You've known Johnny longer than the rest of us. You dated in high school. You know he would have supported you and what ever decision you made. You should have spoken with him about what you were feeling. Julianna, I don't understand it. I just don't. Remember that conversation we had when you were discharged from the hospital after your second miscarriage? Remember me telling you how Johnny never had a long lasting relationship because he was looking for you. I pushed you to stick with him and talk with him. You walking out on him over that! My trust was misplaced because I thought you would be the perfect person for Johnny. To do what you did has made me feel like a fool. And I don't like to feel like a fool. You've got a long way to go to earn my respect back, Doctor. So don't expect me to let you off easily. I don't care if you're a doctor. I don't care about any of that. The only thing I see right now is a coward who left the greatest thing in her life. Not once but TWICE! You've got a long way to go," Dixie said.

Julianna knew she would get a lecture from Dixie and Dixie didn't disappoint. She swallowed and looked at Dixie. "I know I screwed up. I know that. I don't know what to do to make up for it. I probably can't, but I'm going to try to do whatever I can to give Jillian the family she deserves. The one I nearly deprived her of. I'm sorry I hurt everyone the way I did. I'm very sorry for what I did to Johnny. I just hope, in time, I'll earn everyone's forgiveness and trust. I'll do anything I can, Dixie. I mean it," Julianna said.

Satisfied that she'd gotten her point across, Dixie smiled a small smile at Julianna. "I know. We'll be there to support Bob at Beth's funeral tomorrow," she said.

"Bob will appreciate that. I'll see you and Kel tomorrow, then," Julianna said, heading out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Jillian and Julianna. All characters belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal.

When she arrived home, she found Johnny sitting in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in front of him.

"Hi. How did it go," she asked as she sat her purse on the counter.

"Great. We went outside and walked around and she played in the grass and the sandbox. We went to town and got a baby swing for the swing set and she fell asleep in the swing. She just fell asleep after her dinner. I gave her the pureed food you had in the fridge for her. I heated it like you told me and she seemed to enjoy it," Johnny said.  
"Well, I'm glad your day went well. Will you be able to watch Jill while I go to Beth's funeral," Julianna asked.  
"About that...I thought about asking your friend Katrina to come and watch Jill so I could go with you," he said.  
"You don't have to do that, Johnny," Julianna said.

She went to the fridge to get something to drink. As she reached for a glass in the cupboard, Johnny's hand went to her shoulder.  
"I want to support you. I want to support Bob. I can't imagine what that was like for you to have to tell him she was dead. What it must have been like to work on her. I want to be there for you," Johnny said.  
Julianna turned to her husband.  
"I'd like that. I'd really like that. I don't know if I'll be much help to Bob during this whole thing," Julianna said, tears pricking her eyes.

Johnny said nothing, he just pulled her into his arms and held her. He was willing to bet she hadn't grieved over the loss of her friend, the emotion of coming home and dealing with him taking priority.

He closed his eyes and wished things were like they were before she left. He wished he could move past what happened. He felt Julianna pull away and he let go.

"Thank you. I'm going to bed. What time is Katrina coming over," she asked.  
"She'll be here at 8:30," he said.  
Julianna nodded and went upstairs. As she got ready for bed, she cried. She cried because she was grieving. Not just over the loss of her friend, but of the relationship she had with Johnny. Could they ever fix it?

Julianna stumbled into the house, the grief of the funeral almost too much for her. Johnny thanked Katrina and paid her for the day. Jillian was sleeping in her room and Julianna stood at the door to her room, watching.

Johnny came up behind her.

"You OK," he asked.  
Julianna nodded. She turned and went into her room, Johnny following and leaning against the doorway.

"I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know what to say to Chrissy," she said as she sat on the bed.

Johnny entered the room and sat down next to her. "No one does. The important thing is to offer support for them. You know that Beth is going to live on in Chrissy and Bobby. It's just like you told Pam after Drew died. She still had Kelly. Kelly's a part of Drew and Pam needed to concentrate on that," Johnny said.  
Julianna, who'd been looking at the floor, brought her green eyes to meet Johnny's brown ones. "I'm sorry," she said, before the tears erupted again.

Johnny gathered her up. "I know. I'm sorry I acted the way I did," he said.  
"You had every right. I was wrong. I was so wrong and I'll never be able to give you back what you've lost. I'm sorry for that. How you can even look at me is beyond me," she said.

Johnny tipped her chin up and smiled. "You're not bad to look at and my anger's fading a bit. I don't like what you did, but I think, in time, I'll forgive you for it," he said.

Julianna said nothing. She refused to believe everything would be back to normal and she and Johnny would be a family again.

"Why don't you take a nap? This was an emotional day for everyone. I'll call Mike and tell him we'll be there tomorrow," Johnny said.  
"You're coming, too," Julianna asked, shocked.  
"Yeah. I was invited, right," he asked.

Julianna nodded.  
Johnny smiled and left the room. Julianna got off the bed and changed her clothes before lying down on the bed and falling asleep.

They spent the rest of Johnny's time off getting into a schedule. Katrina had agreed to watch Jillian for them when they were both needed to work. Katrina moving to LA had become a godsend for Julianna and she was glad Johnny trusted the choice Julianna had made when it came to care for their daughter.

When Johnny went back to work, they fell into a comfortable rhythm. Julianna cooked dinner on the nights she was home and they had eaten together as a family. It was almost like they were a complete family.

Three months after Julianna returned to LA, Julianna realized they weren't.

Johnny came into the den where Julianna was picking up Jillian's toys.

"Are you working this weekend," he asked.  
"No. Do you need me to do something," she asked.  
"Just wanted to make sure I didn't need to change my plans. I don't want to ask Katrina to come over on a weekend if one of us is going to be home," he said.  
"Do you have plans," she asked.  
"Um...yeah. I'm going out," Johnny said.  
Julianna tried not to sound disappointed. "Really? That's great. I'll be home this weekend, so have a good time," she said.  
"I'll come home after my shift, but I don't know if I'll be back before my Monday shift, so if you don't see me, don't worry," he said.  
"I won't," Julianna said. She wanted to ask him who he intended to spend an entire weekend with and remind him he was still married, but she didn't. She thought if Johnny was going on a date for the weekend, he was probably going to file for divorce at some point. She was going to have to start looking for a place to live. She knew the house down the road was for sale and she thought she might be able to convince the Martin's to let her buy the place so ill would be near the horses and things at Johnny's house.

She went upstairs and brushed her hair, getting herself ready for bed when she caught her ring in the light. Sighing, she took the ring and put it in the jewelery box, right next to her engagement ring which Johnny had put in there when she left.

'You did this to yourself, Julianna Grace. You have no one to blame, but yourself,' she thought to herself, but it didn't lessen the hurt knowing the man she loved was moving on, without her.

Johnny got himself ready for bed and thought he'd hurt Julianna's feelings by revealing his plans. He had a right to go out on a date, didn't he? Especially since the divorce papers were filled out, he just needed to file. He wouldn't even be thinking about it, if his date wasn't pressuring him to cut ties with Julianna.

However, Johnny wasn't sure he wanted to cut ties with her. They would have to be in contact because of Jill, but Johnny was wondering if they might be able to try again. He knew if he hadn't hurt Julianna with his announcement that he was going on a date, finding out his date was Pam, would probably crush her.

Johnny didn't know what to do. He'd been spending a lot of time with Pam and was wondering if there was something between them. He was hoping to find out this weekend.

The weekend was passing agonizingly slow for Julianna. Johnny had left around 8 Saturday morning to go on his weekend getaway and she hadn't said a word. She planned to spend the day with her brother and his family. She was excited to find out that Barb was pregnant again and Mike was excited about having another child.

She had taken Jillian to Mike's house, so glad to have her brother in her life again. Her parents had visited the previous weekend and Julianna had enjoyed the time with them. Everyone was glad she had brought Jillian home to be with her father, but Julianna knew she had a ways to go to repair the relationships with her friends and Johnny.

Her parents were living in San Diego, taking care of her aunt who was dying of cancer.

She was joined at her brother's by the former crew of Station 51. Everyone had been shocked at Julianna's departure and reappearance, especially when she came back with Johnny's daughter. Each woman, with the exception of Sara who didn't know Julianna well at all, had given her an earful about what she had done. And, Julianna had accepted it. She would do anything to let everyone know she had been sorry for what happened and knew it was wrong.

"Where's Johnny," Mike asked his sister.

"He's on a weekend getaway," she said, putting Jillian into the playpen for her nap.

Mike looked at his sister. "A getaway? You mean a date," he asked.  
Julianna nodded and went back outside to join the rest of the group gathered at the house.

"He's dating? You're not divorced," Mike said.  
Roy heard the conversation and listened to Julianna's response.  
"I'm sure he's going to file, especially if he thinks it's someone he wants to be with. It's fine, Mike, really. I'm upset and heartbroken, but I deserve it. I'M the one that screwed up our relationship. Not Johnny. I'm going to take a look at the house just down the road from the ranch. That way Jill will be close to both of her parents and things won't change too much," Julianna said.

Barb went inside to check on Timmy and Jill, since she was in Timmy's room. She peeked into the playpen and was alarmed at what she found. She rushed down the stairs and onto the patio.

"Julianna! I think something's wrong with Jill," she said.


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Mark VII and NBC Universal. I own Julianna and Jillian.

_**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews and messages. I have appreciated them and have taken everything into consideration. This story has actually taken on a mind of its own. I had an entirely different ending written for this story, but I was awakened in the middle of the night by that pesky plot bunny who said I needed to change it up. Hence the story you have here. I wasn't even sure I was going to write it, much less finish it. Here is more in the saga. The ending should be coming up very soon. Happy reading. ~Kaiti**_

Julianna jumped up from her seat and ran upstairs to Timmy's room.

She found her daughter gasping for breath and burning up with fever.

"Jill! Jillian," Julianna called to her daughter as she lifted her from the crib.

"Juli, what's wrong," Joanne asked.  
"She's got a fever and she's gasping for breath,"she said, putting her daughter on the floor and took off her clothes. The baby was having retractions as she was breathing.  
Roy helped Julianna assess her daughter.

"Jo, grab my bag from the car," Roy said.

Joanne ran downstairs and out the front door to the car. She grabbed the bag Roy had begun carrying after his promotion to Captain and handed it to him.

He opened the bag and gave Julianna the stethoscope. She immediately put it to her daughter's chest. "Diminished," she said, handing it to Roy.

He could see Julianna was about to lose it, so he listened to the baby again and told Mike to call the squad.

"No, let's just take her in the car. We'll get their faster," she said.

Roy nodded and picked up Jill and rushed her down the stairs. Mike got into the driver's seat of his station wagon and drove to the hospital. The whole time he thought about what could be wrong with his niece.

They pulled into Rampart and Mike rushed to grab a gurney. Julianna was opening the door for Roy who put the now unconscious baby on the gurney. They rushed inside and were immediately found by Dr. Early.  
"Juli, Roy, what's wrong," he asked.  
"It's my daughter. I don't know what's wrong. I think it's pneumonia," Julianna said.

"Go into three," Early said as he knocked on Kel's door and opened it.  
"I need you. Jillian Gage has just been brought in," Early said.

Kel leaped to his feet and they both went into three.

Julianna stood in the corner, watching everyone assess her daughter. She was lost, she didn't know what to do.

She looked at Roy. "Where's Johnny? He needs to be here," she said.

Roy nodded. "Why don't we let them work on her and we'll get Johnny?"  
"No, Roy, I'm staying right here," she said, watching the assessment of her daughter.

Roy opened the door and motioned for Mike. "I'm going to call Johnny. Will you stay with her," he asked.  
Mike put his arm around his sister and Roy went to make the call.

"Dix, can I use the phone. I need to call Johnny," he said.  
"Sure, but why isn't Juli calling him herself," Dixie asked.  
"Well, Johnny's on a weekend getaway and I don't think he told Julianna who it was with or where he was going," Roy said.  
Dixie nodded. "I guess the Gage's won't be reuniting," Dixie said.  
"I don't know about that. Johnny loves Julianna. I just don't think he's seen past the hurt just yet," Roy said.

Roy called the number of Johnny's date and she answered the phone. "Pam, I need to talk to Johnny," he said.  
"We're busy. You'll have to call back later," Pam said.  
"It's about Jill," Roy rushed to say.

"I'm sure everything is fine and Julianna can handle it. After all, she handled everything for six months before she came back to LA," Pam said.

"Is Johnny there, Pam," Roy asked.  
Pam sighed. "No. Our little date didn't turn out like I wanted it to. Johnny came over and by the afternoon, he was leaving. Apparently we weren't on the same page," Pam said.  
"Where is he," Roy asked.  
"I don't know. I thought he went running back to Julianna because he told me he was still in love with her, despite what happened. I tried to talk him out of it, but he assured me he was in love with her," Pam said.  
"Thanks, Pam. I think I know where he might be," Roy said, hanging up the phone.

EARLIER

Johnny sat down on the couch at Pam's house. He didn't know why he was there. Well, he knew why he was there, but now that he was there, he wanted to leave. He wanted to be at home, enjoying a leisurely weekend with his family.

Johnny sat up straight. 'His family,' he thought to himself. Not his daughter. His family. That's what he and Julianna and Jillian were. A family.

Pam came into the living room with Johnny's promised coffee and sat down next to him.

"I'm so glad you decided to spend the weekend with me at the cabin," Pam said.  
Johnny smiled and took a drink of his coffee.

"Where's Kelly," he asked.  
"She's with my parents. They took her to Disney for the weekend," Pam said, moving closer to Johnny.

He cleared his throat as Pam put her hands on his thigh.

"I'll bet she's going to enjoy that. I can't wait to take Jill to Disney when she's older," Johnny said.

"I can't believe you have a daughter. She and Kelly will have such fun together. I can't wait for them to met each other," Pam said.

"Yeah. I'm sure they'll be good friends," Johnny said.

'Why are you here, Gage,' he asked himself, keeping a smile on his face as Pam continued speaking.

"I can't wait to have another little one in the house. It's going to be such fun having Jillian around all the time," Pam said.

Johnny nearly spit out the coffee he was drinking. Hearing Pam talk about being a mother to Jill didn't sit well with Johnny. Jill had a mother, Julianna.

"Jill has a mom, Pam. I'd never take her away from Juli," Johnny said.

"After what she did? I should think you'd want to take her and make sure she's raised by two people that love each other and know how important it is to be a family. You and I can give both our daughters that," Pam said.

"I'm not taking Jill from Juli. No way. Julianna is Jill's mother. I promised Julianna I'd never do that to her," Johnny said, suddenly feeling very protective toward Julianna.

Pam stood up. "You still love her," Pam said.

"After what she did to me? I care about her because she's Jill's mom," Johnny said.

"Yes, you care about her because she's Jill's mom, but you're in love with her. You still love her. Despite everything she's done, both now and in the past, you still love her. Everybody sees it. I saw it, but thought that our past would let us move passed your feelings for Juli. Johnny, stop punishing yourself. Tell her you love her. Try to make a family for yourselves. Give Jill what she deserves, two parents that love each other," Pam said.

Johnny looked at his friend. That's what she was, a friend. She'd been married to his best friend in high school until he'd been killed. He and Pam had found themselves thrown together because of their common past, but Johnny realized he didn't love Pam. He loved Julianna.

"Why have you been so insistent that I cut ties with Juli," Johnny asked.  
"To prove a point. If you had filed for divorce, then you were ready to move on and, hopefully, you'd do that with me. If not, then you were still in love with her and realize that. Do us both a favor: Move on with me or someone else or take Juli back and be a family," Pam said.  
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he told her.

She placed a hand on his arm. "I know. You're both the most stubborn people Drew and I ever met. You've been a great friend to me and I think I might have confused that," Pam said.

Johnny hugged his friend, thanked her for the coffee and headed home.

He arrived home to an empty house, but knew Julianna was probably with her brother since Johnny had told her he was going to go away for the weekend.

He settled into the den to watch some TV until Julianna came home. He could probably head to Mike's to talk to her about what he realized, but this was a conversation he wanted to have with her in private first.

He picked it back up again and called Johnny's house. His friend answered on the first ring.

"Johnny, you have to get to the hospital," Roy said, without a hello.  
"What's wrong," Johnny asked.

"It's your daughter," Roy said.  
"Be right there," Johnny said, hanging up the phone.  
Roy hung up and leaned against the nurses station. He wondered what happened between Johnny and Pam that made Johnny realize he was still in love with Julianna. Despite the stress of the situation, Roy smiled.

Johnny arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after Roy called. He found his friend waiting in the hall in front of the ER entrance.

"What happened," Johnny asked.  
"Jill got sick at our house. Juli and I rushed here with her. I think it's pneumonia," Roy said.  
"Where's Juli," Johnny asked.  
"She's in three," Roy asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Johnny was rushing to the room.

He opened the door and found Julianna sitting next to a stretcher, her hand holding their daughter's and stroking her forehead.

"Jules," Johnny said.

Julianna immediately turned to Johnny and found herself in Johnny's arms. She began sobbing.  
"What happened, Jules," Johnny asked. He reached over and touched his daughter, alarmed at how warm she felt.

"Barb noticed she breathing hard. She wasn't when I put her down for her nap. When I went to check on her, she was burning up. I thought I heard diminished breath sounds. I think she has pneumonia," Julianna said, turning back to her daughter. She picked up her daughter's hand. "Oh, my God," she whispered.  
"What," Johnny asked, alarmed at his wife's tone.  
"Get Brackett or Early," she said.

"What's wrong," he asked.  
"Just do it," she said to him, her voice full of tension.

Johnny left his wife and child and poked his head out in the hallway. He saw Brackett standing at the nurses desk.

"Doc, Juli needs you," he said.  
Brackett went into the room. "What is it, Juli," he asked.  
"Look," she said, pointing at her daughter's arm.

Brackett took one look and the alarm on his face was visible.

"Let's get her in isolation. Dixie, get me the pharmacy. We need high dose penicillin. Juli, does she have any allergies," Brackett asked.  
Julianna shook her head. "Not that I know of. I'm allergic to penicillin," she said.  
"What's going on," Johnny asked.

"Jill is showing signs of meningitis. I believe she has pneumonia cause by the infection. She needs antibiotics and oxygen therapy," Brackett said.  
Julianna dissolved into tears. She couldn't believe this was happening to her daughter. She knew the risks involved in this infection and she was scared.

Johnny held on to Julianna as Brackett barked orders to the nurses and other physicians that had come running when they heard the diagnosis.

Dixie approached them. "You will both need to be treated for exposure," Dixie said.

Johnny nodded. Julianna paled.  
"You'll need IV antibiotics for your treatment, since you're allergic to penicillin," Brackett said.

Julianna nodded. Johnny had his hand in hers as they watched everyone work on their daughter.

"Juli, I'll start an IV on you and get that medicine for you," Dixie said.

Johnny watched everyone in gowns and masks and realized the seriousness of his daughter's illness.  
"Is she going to die," Johnny asked Brackett.

He looked at Johnny, but didn't say anything.

Julianna began sobbing again and was certain she was going to pass out.

Johnny grabbed Brackett's arm. "Kel, tell me. Is our daughter going to die," Johnny asked.


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Julianna and Jillian. Mark VII and NBC Universal own everything else.

Julianna sat outside in the memory garden at Rampart. She closed her eyes and leaned back, unable to believe what the last 72 hours had brought. She was wiping the tears from her face when Johnny came and sat down with her.

"You OK," he asked.  
Julianna shook her head. "I'm a horrible mother," she said.

"What? No you're not," he said, taking her hand.

"I probably brought this home to her. I should have seen the signs. I should have been more careful," she said.

"Jules, this is not your fault. You have to understand that," Johnny said.

"I got my daughter sick. I kept my pregnancy a secret and ran from you when I found out. I basically lied to you. The two people I love more than myself and this is how I've treated the both of you. She gets sick and you can't trust me, can't love me. No, Johnny, I'm a horrible mother," Julianna said.

"This is not your fault, OK. You're wonderful with our daughter. You've done everything for her. You can tell how much you love her," Johnny said, trying to reassure her.

Julianna wiped her face. "You're being way too nice to me after everything I've done," she said. She turned away. Johnny cupped her chin and turned her face toward him so she was looking at him.  
"I wanted to talk to you about us. You know we can't go back to the way things were and we can't go on like things are," he said.

Julianna nodded. "I know. I'm going to buy that house down the street from you. That way, Jillian would be close to you. I will keep the name Gage so things are easy on Jill. Do you mind," she asked, rambling, unable to admit that her marriage was over. She knew it was going to happen, but she didn't want to admit it.

Before Johnny had a chance to say anything to Julianna, Joe Early poked his head out of the door.

"EEG is back. Everything looks normal. You can take her home," Early said.

Forgetting the conversation she had with Johnny, the two embraced and rushed to get their daughter. The tears flowed from both of Jill's parents as they saw their daughter awake and rolling around in her crib. The last few days had been rough on them emotionally, but Jillian had come through her health scare with only the scars from the IV lines to remember the ordeal.

Julianna and Johnny checked Jillian out of the hospital and headed home with her.

The Gage's arrived home, exhausted from what happened. Jillian fell asleep on the way home and Julianna put her upstairs in the crib.

She knew she should get some sleep, but finding a different place to stay was taking a higher priority.

She went back downstairs to find Johnny standing in the living room.  
"I'll try to be out by the end of the week. Will that work for you," she asked him.

"Jules, we need to talk," he said.

"OK," she said. Dread filled her stomach. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about putting a finality on things. Despite her hope that they would make up and get back together, Julianna realized it was all a pipe dream.

Johnny guided her to the den and they sat down on the sofa.

"Jules, I don't want you to leave," he said.

"You don't? Well, you said we couldn't go back to the way things were and we can't continue like there are. What else is there other than for me to leave," she asked.

He took her hands and looked at her. "Seeing Jill as sick as she was, got me to thinking about losing her... or losing you. I realized you were my family. Not just Jillian, but YOU and Jillian," he said.  
"What are you saying," she asked him, unable to fathom what he was saying.  
"I want us to start over. I want us to be a family together. I love you, Juli," he said.

He gathered his wife, his love into his arms and leaned back on the couch. Just enjoying the way she fit in his arms, the warmth of her body.

They sat in the den for an hour, just holding each other. Relishing the fact that they were together and Jillian was alive.

Johnny's stomach grumbled and Julianna laughed. She got off the couch and went into the kitchen, Johnny following behind.

"I can fix one of these casseroles that Joanne put in the fridge for us," Julianna said.  
"Sounds good to me," he said.

Julianna put the casserole in the oven and Johnny went to check on Jillian. He was so relieved she was OK and he and Julianna would be OK.

They knew Jillian would probably sleep through the night, the whole ordeal had been taxing on her body.

They ate their dinner in relative silence, comfortable with each other.

Johnny said he'd do the dishes and Julianna went upstairs to shower. She'd neglected herself while tending to her child while she was hospitalized and Julianna thought a shower and her comfy bed was calling her name.

Johnny came upstairs, hearing the shower running, he went into Julianna's room and went to the jewelery box.

Julianna stepped out of the shower. She entered the bedroom and was surprised to find Johnny standing in front of her dresser.  
"Hey," she said.  
"Hey. I've got something for you," he said, his crooked grin plastered on his face.

Julianna walked to him. "What," she asked.  
Johnny held out her engagement and wedding rings.  
"You need to put these back on," he said, taking her hand and slipping the rings back on her finger.

She looked at him. She had to ask the one question that was on her mind and would prove if he'd forgiven her.

"Are you going to stay in the guest room tonight," she asked, hope in her voice.

Johnny came up to his wife and kissed her soundly. In a husky voice he asked her, "What do you think?"

Julianna looked at her husband. "I've missed you so much," she said.  
"I've missed you, too," he said.

He picked her up and carried her to the bed. They got reacquainted with each other and fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.

EPILOGUE

Julianna sat on the porch swing watching Johnny and Jillian play in the pool.

She was amazed at everything that had happened in the last few months.

After Jillian's release from the hospital, Johnny and Julianna decided to put their marriage back together. Julianna promised to be honest with Johnny and let him know when she got scared. Johnny promised to be there for her, no matter what she needed or said.

They held a birthday party for Jillian's first birthday and, three months after they decided to try again, they announced they were staying together at Jillian's party.

Their friends had all been happy for them and had forgiven Julianna for what she had done, especially since Johnny had forgiven her.

Julianna smiled as she watched her husband and daughter playing. She had been back in LA for a year. Jillian was now eighteen months old and looking more and more like Johnny everyday. She had all their friends wrapped around her fingers. She loved playing with her cousins, Timmy and Gracie.

Julianna changed position, her back hurting from sitting on the wooden swing.

Johnny carried Jillian out of the pool.

"I'm going to dry her off. I think she's ready for a nap," Johnny said.  
"Probably. I'll help," she said, getting off the swing.

"Jules," he said, flashing her a cautioned look.

"I'm fine," she said, heading inside behind them.  
"Your mommy is stubborn, Jilli-bean," Johnny said as he carried his daughter upstairs.

"I heard that. And you're just as stubborn," she said.  
"I think we're in such trouble when she gets older," Johnny said, grinning.  
"Older? She's already showing you're stubborn streak," she said, chuckling as she followed behind.

Johnny changed his daughter and put her down for her nap, smiling at her big brown eyes.

He headed back downstairs to Julianna and found her bending over in the kitchen.  
"Jules, what are you doing," he asked.  
"I think it's time," she said.  
"Time? Time for what," Johnny asked, clueless.  
"Johnny, I'm having contractions," Julianna said.

"Oh... uh... we've got to get to the hospital," he said.  
"We have time. Call Katrina and get her to stay with Jill. Roy and Joanne can bring her over later this evening," Julianna said.  
"Right," Johnny said, picking up the phone and calling Katrina.

Julianna slowly made her way to the closet where she'd kept her suitcase packed.

"Katrina's on her way. She'll be here in ten minutes," Johnny said.  
"Good. Now call the hospital and let them know I'm on the way there," she said, trying to stay calm, but the contractions were coming harder and faster.

Seven minutes later, Katrina was at the door and Johnny and Julianna rushed out of the house. Johnny eased his wife into the back seat and jumped in the driver's seat. They headed off to the hospital, Julianna concentrating on her breathing.

They pulled up to the entrance and Johnny helped Julianna into a wheelchair. He wheeled her to the admit desk and was directed to maternity.

The nurses quickly took Julianna from Johnny and readied her for the doctor. Johnny stood in the waiting room. He managed to call Roy and let him know what was happening. He promised to stay with Johnny and would send Joanne to get Jillian from Katrina in a few hours.

Roy arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later and brought Mike along.

"What's going on," Mike asked.  
"They're checking her and whatnot. I'll go in when they give me the OK," Johnny said.

The nurse poked her head out the door. "Mr. Gage? You're wife is ready for you," she said.  
Johnny shot a look at each man and headed in to see Julianna.

"Hey, Jules. How ya doing," he asked.  
"Don't be funny," she said.  
"Sorry," he said.  
"OK, Julianna. Here we go," the doctor said.

Early the next morning, Johnny poked his head out of the room, finding their friends in the waiting room.  
"Guys, you can come in," Johnny said.

Joanne put Jillian down and she walked to her daddy. "Da-da, Me up," she said, holding her arms up for him to take her. He picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"Hiya, Jill-bean," he said.

She wrapped her chubby little arms around his neck and Johnny smiled.

Their friends walked into the room and found Julianna holding not one, but TWO blue bundles.

"Twins! Really, Johnny," Mike asked his brother-in-law. "Jules said the same thing," Johnny said.  
"Hey, Juju! This is a surprise," he said.  
"Congrats, Junior! They are adorable," Roy said.  
Joanne stood on the other side of her friend. "Oh, my! You're going to have your hands full," Joanne said.  
"I know. Two little Johnny's. We'd better invest in bandages and such now, huh," Julianna said, looking at her husband.

"Can we stop talking about me like I'm not here," Johnny asked, smiling at his wife.

Julianna grinned at her husband. "Fine," she said.

"So, what are the names of the newest Gage's," Chet asked.

"Well, the twin in the blue hat was born first. He's John Roderick Jr.," Julianna said.

"And the identical guy in the yellow hat is Jackson Roy," Johnny said, shooting a look at his best friend.

"Me," the fair paramedic asked his friends.  
"Of course, Pally. You're my best friend and Jules and I couldn't think of a better way to honor that," Johnny said.  
Julianna handed John Jr. to Mike and Jackson to Roy.

Johnny sat next to his wife on the bed.

"I love you, Juli," he said.

"I love you, too," she said. They shared a kiss before watching their friends with their boys. Jill was picked up by her Uncle Hank. She placed little kisses on her brother's heads and said, "Wuv you, brudders."

The Gage's smiled. They'd dealt with the pain of the past and were looking toward a bright future.

_**~~Aren't you glad this doesn't have another cliffhanger? Thanks for reading. I'm thinking of writing more. Feel free to pm me ideas. I'm always looking for something to challenge my muse and maybe, beat that plot bunny into submission. Or at least filled with enough drama to keep him comfortably calm. Thanks again! You guys rock!~~Kaiti**_


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